


Unanswered Prayers

by arjasmo



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arjasmo/pseuds/arjasmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes people are just destined to meet. One person is lonely for one thing and another for something else. John is a broken man. War and great loss has colored his life in greys. He trudges through every day all the same, no bright spots and nothing to live for. Rose is a young woman on a mission. She goes to school and works everyday towards her goal. But there are roadblocks, one being her loser boyfriend Jimmy. When John sees Rose he sees life and hope, but when she sees him she sees sadness and anger. Can this bright light shine into the world of a sad lonesome soldier?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this story came to me when I was listening to a Nickelback song, don’t judge, my iPod played it and I had no choice. Anyway, it made me think about cultures in apartment buildings and how people watched others through their peepholes, but may never really know anyone that lives around them despite being so close. I also wondered if people made up stories about the people they saw on a daily basis. Then it all snowballed into this story. 
> 
> This first one is a big chapter. I said to myself, ”Self, should I cut it in the middle or should I just make a monster chapter to give a better idea of where the story was headed?” I won, as I always do, so here is a big one to start with. This is a completed work and I'm shooting for about 10 chapters once I edit the rest. I hope you like it.

Chapter 1  
John watched out the peephole in his door as the blonde girl, more like a young woman, entered her apartment. She was a little later than normal tonight, but she seemed happy. That boyfriend of hers hadn't even met her at the door. He was a loser anyway. He didn't deserve her. 

She was smart, funny and a hard worker. She went to school each day and came back around 2:30 only to turn around and leave for work. Sometimes she worked late, sometimes not. Her name was Rose, he knew because when she was in a row with her boyfriend he yelled at her. 

The boyfriend, he thought his name was Jimmy, on the other hand, seemed to have a job only sometimes, and it was sneaky at that. When Rose was out people came and went all day long. John thought maybe he was fencing items or selling drugs. He also played the guitar, loudly and badly when she was out. He didn't get many gigs, though. And when he did he was really loud about it. He made sure all the neighbors knew if he was playing. 

Besides the general traffic in and out of their apartment, John was sure that Jimmy was unfaithful. There were girls that came and went too, but they all stayed a while. All this happened while Rose was a school or at work. He wondered if she had any idea what all went on when she wasn't home. 

It was really none of his business. He normally couldn't care less about the comings and goings of the other tenants in this dingy apartment building. They were just people who were doing the same as him. Just existing. Home was just another place to be if you weren’t at work. Then along came this sweet ray of sunshine. From the first day he laid eyes on her she had him. On that day, he found her struggling with a washing machine in the basement. He knew that one; its gears had a tendency to disengage. A good solid thump on the side usually sorted it. That's just what he did, she fixed him with a bright tongue touched smile and he was hooked. 

Now to be sure he wasn't a stalker. But from that day on he kept an eye out for Rose. Her schedule was predictable so he knew when she would be home. He just felt better to know when she was safe. 

Tonight was no different from the rest. John saw Rose get home, turned and sighed heavily, flopping back down on the couch with his glass of whiskey. There was an old western movie on that he was only half watching. His frozen dinner sat half eaten on the TV table in front of him. It had been gross. on closer examination, he figured they had expiration dates for a reason, and attempting to eat one months after that time was maybe not the best idea. 

An electric guitar started up across the hall. Jimmy must have something to show Rose. Jimmy seemed to have no sense of time or common courtesy, as the amp had been cranked. He played, very poorly, for about fifteen minutes before there was a loud banging on their door and someone shouting to cut it out. Then he could hear Jimmy open the door and a shouting match start. The amount of colorful language was enough to make a rugby player blush, but John only idly listened. Soon the door slammed shut and John could hear Jimmy loudly complaining to Rose about how no one here had an appreciation for the arts. He could hear Rose's quiet murmurs of agreement. She must be a saint, staying with that immature boy. 

What would make such a beautiful girl stay with such an obnoxious loser? John could only speculate. 

Hours later John fell into bed. He had hoped the whiskey would stem the nightmares. He always hoped it would. It never did.

There was fire, smoke, thick dust. He could hear her calling for him through the din. He tried to move to her even as searing pain ripped through his abdomen. He reached out but his arm fell at a disgusting angle. It was broken; bone ends sticking out and blood pouring from the wound. He couldn’t move his legs, they were trapped. Soon her cries, answers to his calls, stopped and she was gone. 

John woke fifteen minutes before his alarm. He wasn't even sure why he had an alarm. He always woke before it. That was if he slept at all.

He heaved himself to sitting. Head pounded from the remnants of last night's whiskey. Groaning, John shuffled to the shower. He washed up, a task that never took more than a minute or two, and dried off. As the room cleared of steam, John caught something in the mirror. It was a vision of an old man. He blinked, it was him. He hadn't gone grey, but it was his stance. He had the posture of a man many years older than him. He was fit, yes, but his shoulders slumped and he usually looked down. As a result, he looked decrepit. 

Consciously John straightened. This abnormal posture was evident by the pull on the large scar that ran across his abdomen. He was healed now, not even pink, but it still pained him, in more ways than one. 

Methodically he ran his hands over it, then over his arm that bore a 6 inch scar from surgery following its repair. The surgeon had many other patients that day and had done a crummy job closing it. The scar was huge and wide. John didn't care though. His hands continued their journey and moved to behind his right ear. There was another one there too. All told he had twelve scars. Mostly they were from battle or training, but the abdomen, arm and head were different. Those meant something. They meant that Sara was never coming back. 

OoOoOoOo  
The streets were characteristically empty as Jon made his way to the auto shop. He keyed his way in then hustled to the keypad on the far side of the ornate lobby to turn off the security system. Next he walked to the small refrigerator and liberated a water bottle from under the sign that read "For our loyal customers." He scoffed at the sign. Normally the mechanics weren’t allowed in the lobby, but since he was there at 5 am he had the run of the place for at least three hours.

This is when John did his best work. He could focus in the quiet. There was no one trying to make conversation, no one breathing down his neck. Unfortunately that was the earliest his boss let him come in, staging that he didn't like someone there alone. On top of that, he was often asked for by name and it was important that he was around during the day. The customer was always right, or so they said, especially in the high end car repair game. It wasn't uncommon for customers not to bat an eye at paying £20,000 to fix something that their irresponsible teenager did over the weekend. 

John had had offers too. People had come forth offering to double his salary for a personal mechanic to their fleets of cars. John always declined. The money would be good but he hated bosses. It was a wonder that he had stayed employed as it was. That was mostly sue to the fact that the kindly owner, Wilf, largely left him alone. 

He wound around the inside of the immaculate garage. Serving the rich and famous had its downsides too. Even though working on cars was a messy business, they had to maintain cleanliness at all times, in case a customer needed to come into the garage to retrieve something. The mechanics had to wear Tyvek suits to do their work so they were not dirty. That was over their coveralls. To John it looked more like a lab than an auto shop. 

John got the primo spot though, tucked in the back. It was actually meant to be an extension of another bay, but instead was separated off from the others. The only disadvantage was that it didn’t have a lift for the cars. But in there he did as he wanted. No one bothered him unless he left, and he didn't very often. He clicked on the lights to reveal his project for the day, a 1977 Bentley Corniche that had been driven into the lake on a golf course by the spoiled son of oil baron. The car was a mess to say the least, but he was getting there. After he cleaned the mud and dead fish out, he would start the process of replacing and refurbishing. When he was finished the cost of the repair would be approaching the cost of the vehicle. But it was a classic, and John could sympathize. It would have been a travesty if it was junked. 

OoOoOo

Hours later John heard a shuffling of feet in his area. He pushed out from under the car on his creeper, only to catch sight of a grinning fellow mechanic, the handsome Jack Harkness. "Heads up Smith," he said, tossing something in orange paper to John. 

John deftly snatched it out of the air and sat up all at the same time. He unwrapped the item, a sausage breakfast sandwich and took a bite, all without saying a word. He did, however, nod at Jack. 

Taking that as a thank you, Jack nodded back and pulled up a bucket, upturned it and sat on it, opening his own sandwich. "How goes the war?" he asked, mouth full. 

John grunted and swallowed. "It’s a bloody mess. I'd murder my kid if he did this to a work of art like this."

Jack snorted. "Like you'd have children, and if you did, they'd revolt. Some people are best just not reproducing."

"You're not wrong." John answered with a smirk. 

The men finished their breakfasts talking about the car and John's plans for it. Normally Wilf didn't like chatter between the mechanics, but he valued John, and Jack was the only one who actually could talk to the man. He ignored everyone else. 

Jack had something that allowed him to see to the heart of people. He was a great judge of character and he had latched onto John very quickly. He also was a terrible flirt. It made some of his coworkers uncomfortable. Not John though, he simply told Jack, "If you come onto me I‘ll break your neck." It had been a dead subject ever since. He was now the only person who could talk to John. John still often responded with his customary grunts and grumbles, but he actually threw in a few real words to Jack. 

"Well I have to get back to it; I have a Porsche that Mrs. Riddle says has developed a squeak. God only knows what that is. Later." Jack got to his feet. 

"Thanks for the food. I'll get lunch."

"You mean you'll toss me your card and I'll order for us?"

"Yes." With that John lay back on the creeper and rolled under the car. 

 

OoOoOoOo

As promised Jack came back a few hours later for John's card, which was whipped to him unceremoniously. Jack returned a half hour later with sandwiches. This time John came out from under the hood of the car and washed up properly. It was the end of his day. Since he was in at five and took no breaks he was out at one. 

He took his sandwich and idly listened as Jack spun a tale about his adventures the night before. He didn't contribute anything other than to listen to the tawdry tale. 

When he was done he crumpled up his sandwich wrapper and cleaned up his tools. Jack finished his story and John turned to him. "You're a fuckin' slut Jack Harkness."

"I don't deny that." Jack retorted with a cheeky grin.

"You better be tested, or else your privates will shrivel up and fall off one day."

"Every six months whether I need it or not."

"You need it." With that, John put on his well weathered black leather coat and left. 

Jack smiled behind his friend and tossed his own trash in the bin. John was hard to be friends with, but a great man to have on your side. He certainly didn't want to ever make him mad. 

As John made his way through the garage, Wilf stuck his head out of the office. "Hey John, Mr. Billingsley is wanting to know how long it will be on his car."

"It'll be done when it’s done. He has to wait until I get all the bleedin' mud out. I found another dead fish still today. He'll be lucky if it doesn't end up in the rubbish. Tell him it'll be done when I am good and ready." John never stopped walking as he talked. His last words were shouted over his shoulder as he stepped out of one of the bay doors onto the street. 

Wilf shook his head and went back into his office to call Mr. Billingsley and give him a sterilized version of John's answer.

OoOoOo

Back at his flat, John gathered his clothes. He hadn't done laundry in weeks. It wasn't hard to maintain his wardrobe though. He had several pairs of black jeans, jumpers and t-shirts that he rotated through. When they were adequately dirty they went into the hamper. When it was full he did wash. There was no schedule to it and he liked it that way. He lived his life very differently from what he had in the military. Though his flat was always clean, he tried hard to maintain no schedule other than when he went to work. 

Today he happened upon an old copy of a spy novel and tucked it under his arm. He hated laundry day, but at least he could check out and read and no one would bother him. After putting in his two loads, one for underthings and one for jeans and jumpers, John found a chair in the back corner of the basement room and opened his book. 

He was two chapters in when he heard someone clear their throat in front of him. It was quiet and little, but caught his attention. He looked up into the whiskey brown eyes of Rose from across the hall. She gave him a shy smile that he didn't return. 

"Um, hi... I don't know if you remember me. I keep picking the bad washer. Can you do that thing to it that you do? I can't get it to start, and I already put my money in.”

John frowned and shut his book. As he did he caught a distinct flash of fear in her eyes. She stepped back from him. Quickly he recovered, consciously softening his face, which took more effort than it should have. 

"Sure." he said, carefully controlling his voice so as not to scare her off. He was well aware that most people were afraid to talk to him. He gave her credit for even trying. He slowly stood, back stiff from work and sitting, and sauntered over to the washer. He gave he a quick glance to see if she was looking, then gave the washer three quick thumps on the left side. After the third, it engaged and started to fill with water. 

"Oh thank you!” she exclaimed. ”I'm not sure if I introduced myself before. I'm Rose Tyler." She stuck out her hand. 

John looked down at the little appendage that was out before him. She started to withdraw it, embarrassed, when he jutted his hand out and shook it. Instantly he was amazed by the warmth and softness of it. His hands by comparison were cold, rough and dry. It was a side effect of working with them all the time. 

"John Smith," he answered, but it came out more like a grumble. 

Again Rose's eyes flashed. She let go of him and promptly stuck her hands in the pockets of her jeans. "Well thanks again John Smith." Rose then turned and bolted from the laundry room. 

John shook his head. He could have said anything. "Nice to meet you Rose," or "Oh I live across the hall from you," or "I'd be happy to help you any time." But he defaulted to his norm, a grumpy reply that scared the darling girl away. He shook his head. Well that was the last he'd see of her for sure. At least if she knew he was looking. 

If there was one person he'd actually like to have a conversation with it would be her, but he certainly blew that. Not that he wanted to ever share his life with someone, not after Sarah, but it would be nice to talk to someone every now and again, other than Jack.

An hour later, John gathered his clean clothes and headed back to his flat. Rose hadn't come back down for her things while he was there.

John didn't see Rose at all that day when he was done with his laundry. He would have liked to, just to say something, anything that wasn’t a growl. But now he had found himself in the unenviable position of needing to buy groceries. He hated going to the store. Too many people, obnoxious children and slow moving aisle hoggers for his taste. He grabbed a basket rather than a trolley, filled it with frozen dinners, a new bottle of whiskey and beer. It would have been too full for most, but he heaved the basket on his arm, payed the bill and left as fast as he could. 

He got home, stuffed everything in the freezer or fridge and went about tidying up. He found himself with a full rubbish bin, groaned about having to go down to the street to dump it, but then hefted it all and headed for the stairs. 

When John was at street level he was met with a nice surprise. Rose was sitting in a car parked on the curb. She was in the driver's seat. The car was unrecognizable to most because it had so many aftermarket additions. It was clearly the car of someone who was trying to look cool. John recognized it immediately though. As he walked towards the dumpster, he heard someone yelling from under the hood. "Try it again!" Rose then turned the key only to have the car make a rhythmic clicking sound. "Dammit I think the battery is bad again." came the voice. There was a spark sound and an "OW!" followed but a string of curses. As John drew closer, Rose looked up at him through the open window. 

She gave him a little smile of recognition, but it wasn’t bright or sunny. John came up close and mumbled, "It's not the battery, it's the starter." Then he walked away. 

Rose was quiet for a few moments then yelled, "Hey Jimmy, have you checked the starter?"

There was no answer at first. About then one of Jimmy's friends showed up and joined him under the hood. Rose could hear them talking. Jimmy said, "Yeah I think it's the starter..." when his friend asked. 

Rose frowned. That kind of thing was typical of Jimmy. No credit where credit was due; though for sure if it was not the starter she would hear about it. 

John eyed her as he walked back from the dumpster. Jimmy was now spouting all sorts of stuff to his friend as they leaned over the engine. When he took a peek he could see that thought it was full of shiny parts, the work was shoddy, and he was pretty sure at least one thing was connected completely wrong. He looked back to her only to find her eyes on him. He blushed, but quickly schooled himself. When he got close to her, he quietly said, "Your boyfriend is a bloody idiot." Her response was entirely different than he expected. She laughed out loud, quickly covering her face. This gave John the chance to grin back at her, though he didn't. Instead he just raised his eyebrows and kept walking. 

Inside again, he chastised himself. Another missed opportunity. He could have stopped and talked to her or at least smiled. No, instead he chose to not revel in the fact that he made her laugh. What a glorious sound it was too. All at once it was like the angels were singing and birds were chirping. He even felt a tug deep in his chest. Not from scars, but a feeling he hadn't had in a very long; a stirring deep inside, and it felt good. It was warm and comforting. It felt good for a few moments, like the weight he always carried had lifted briefly. But no, he had to blow it. Now it was gone, replaced by a familiar coldness. He didn’t deserve it anyway, he figured. Best to go back to what he had, a whole lot of nothing. But that is what life owed him... nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today we move along with our characters. Thanks for your comments so far. It’s nice to see that I haven’t derailed the train. We have a little character building to do before they can move on.

Chapter 2  
John was well into his second glass of whiskey and an old science fiction movie and tinkering on a old gear box when he heard the disturbance. It came after he heard someone loudly knocking at a nearby door. At first he ignored it and continued to idly watch his television, but then it became too loud. The shouting started next, and it was close. It was a man’s voice shouting, and he sounded drunk and irrational even though John couldn't hear what he was saying. 

John had heard the voice before but wasn't sure from where. His own whiskey had provided just enough of a cloud for that. He shifted in his seat. Now there was a female voice too, and she sounded really angry. He never had heard that voice before. It was high pitched and screechy. Only when a third voice entered the mix did John get to his feet and go to look out the peep hole. 

Now that he listened the scene quickly became clear. One of Jimmy’s girls that visited during the day came at night. She was tall and thin, with long wavy dark hair. She wore very short shorts and a vest top as well as stiletto heels. She was yelling at Jimmy and got even madder when she saw Rose. Jimmy still had a beer bottle in his hand and was in between the two girls. He wasn't trying to sort anything, but was actively fighting with the two. Rose, for her part, looked slightly bewildered but was catching up. 

Words were exchanged between she and Jimmy as well as between the girls. The second girl looked as if she was staking claim on Jimmy, or trying to. Rose was defending herself from both the girl and her boyfriend.

John’s ire rose as he watched the scene unfold before him. One thing he learned, though, was not to get involved in domestics. They were always messy, especially in a place like this. 

That was, until Jimmy turned and grabbed Rose by the neck, slamming the beer bottle into the door next to her head, showering her with beer and glass. 

John was out the door and across the hall in half a second. He struck Jimmy with all he had, knocking the smaller man off Rose and to the ground. "You don't get to treat her like that," he growled menacingly, teeth clenched. 

He then grabbed Jimmy by the front of the shirt and dragged him to standing. "Get out of here you piece of shit. You don't deserve her!" Then John stood there as Jimmy ran inside and hastily grabbed his wallet, keys and jacket and left with the other woman. The whole scene took only seconds. Jimmy looked shocked and terrified though, and left without a look back or another word. 

Only then did John turn back to Rose, who was still paralyzed on the spot against the door. Her eyes were wide and terrified. She flinched when John took a step forward. It hadn't occurred to him that he might have frightened her. He forced his face to soften and it was harder than he thought. His expression of anger was his default. "Are you ok?" he breathed, unconsciously wiping beer from the side of her face. 

Rose's eyes were full of tears that fell when she blinked. "'M ok," she said, voice cracking. 

"Did you get hit with the bottle?" John asked, not knowing where to go with it. 

"No," she replied.

"Did he hurt your neck?"

"A little, but not bad," she answered, gently pushing his hand off and wiping off the rest of the beer herself. 

John put his hand down at his side. "OK." He didn't know what to do next. "Shall I call the coppers?"

"No, he won't be back."

"What happened?" John was pretty sure he knew the answer, but didn't want to leave her just yet. This was the most conversation he had been able to have with Rose ever. 

Tears began to flow again. "She says she has been with him for two months. I had no idea. Well maybe I did... I don't know.”

She sniffed and now angrily wiped her tears then turned to face him. “Thanks for coming over and breaking it up… John is it?”

“Yes.” John nodded. “And it was nothing. He shouldn’t treat you like that.” 

Rose nodded. “I don’t want to keep you from your evening though. I need to take care of some things.”

John stepped into the hall, opening his door directly across from hers. 

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I guess I didn’t realize that you lived across from me. That would explain how you got here so fast. I’m rambling. Thanks though.”

With that she turned and headed back in her flat, leaving a slightly bewildered John in the hallway. 

When he door closed, John sighed deeply. He had come to her rescue, but had failed miserably in the social department. He could have consoled her, he could have offered for her to come to his place to calm down. Anything would have been better than one sentence answers. 

John turned and went back into his flat, slugged the rest of his whiskey and flopped on the couch. 

OoOoOoOo

About two hours later John heard a light rapping on his door. He had begun to tinker again this time on an old radio, waiting to see if he would be able to sleep at some point. He was just bidding his time until he might get tired, mostly because after the exchange at Rose’s his stomach had soured. Ho he couldn’t even start his third glass of whiskey.

He groaned as he got to his feet and shuffled to the door. He opened it quickly, not even checking the peephole. 

On the other side stood Rose Tyler, holding a plate of brownies and wearing a frightened expression. She took a quick step back at the look of him. “I’m sorry to bother you. Uh John, but I wanted you to have these.” She thrust out the plate of warm treats, which he took wordlessly, looking down at them then back to Rose. 

Slowly Rose backed away towards her door, eyes downcast, obviously taken aback by him. 

She had reached her door and almost bumped into it when John finally spoke. “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. I was thinking about it. I don’t know what Jimmy would have done if you hadn’t shown up.” She still looked terrified.

John took her in for a moment. Her eyes were wide like she was about to bolt at any second. It dawned on him that he needed to do something, to say something now or she would never look his way again. “I’m sorry if I scared you Rose.” He cracked a little smile. This was no small feat, as smiling was not one of his usual expressions. He actually had to physically force himself to do it. 

“It’s nothing.”

He shook his head. “Um, would you like to come in? I was just fixing something.”

“No thanks, I have an early morning. I have class then work. I was off tonight though.” She gave a humorless laugh.” Not a very relaxing day off huh?”

“No it wasn’t. Oh ok, but if you need anything please let me know. I’m more useful than just beating people up. I’m actually quite handy.” He worked hard to maintain his smile. If nothing else he had it just so he didn’t scare her off. 

Rose payed him back with a small but warm smile herself. “Sounds like a deal. Thanks again, I hope you enjoy the brownies.”

John nodded. He didn’t know what to say… again. Nice friendly conversation was far from his comfort zone. 

Rose gave him a little wave and headed into her flat and John stood unmoving in the hall staring at her door for a moment before it occurred to him that he should go inside. Without really thinking he took a brownie, shoved it into his mouth and stepped back closing his door. The instant the taste hit him he stopped in his tracks. Whatever Rose had done to them, it was amazing. Somehow she had found the perfect mix of sweet and chewy to make them melt in his mouth. This time when he groaned it was for good. He quickly found himself devouring three more before he got full. 

He sat back down on the couch a little out of sorts. Rose making brownies for him was the nicest thing anyone had done in a really long time. Most people, except Jack, just ignored him. He found that if he didn’t make noise he could just blend in and no one payed attention. That way he didn’t have to interact with anyone. He mostly found people annoying and stupid. They got so hung up on unimportant things, wasting their lives on trivial matters, most of the time anyway. 

But what was he doing? He existed day to day. He had no one really. Sure, he had Jack but they weren’t social, they didn’t do anything together other than eat. He talked to no one outside of work, which was clearly evidenced by his inability to converse with Rose. 

John checked the time on the microwave. He really didn't need to; he always seemed to know what time it was. It was about 11:15. Too early for sleep, too late for anything decent on the telly, plus he was agitated. 

Stuffing yet another browning in his mouth, he silently slipped out his door and to the stairs at the end of the hall. Without a sound he opened the door to the stairs and started ascending. He had figured out some time ago how to get on the roof, but didn't want anyone to know that he knew. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to figure it out and try to make it a congregation spot. The landlord had long since lost the key, but John knew. 

When he reached the top landing, he simply lifted the door off its hinges and set it to the side. Then he leaned it back in place. No key needed. Once outside, John took a deep breath. It felt like his first that day. He went over to the edge, where he had a chair set up. He sat and rested his feet on the lip surrounding the edge. He closed his eyes and let the sounds of the city surround him. Normally he hated excess noise, but up here all the sounds blended into a thrum, almost like a pulse. All the chaos seemed to acquiesce in the life force of the city. John could feel his pulse slow and this blood pressure fall. 

There were few times John was at peace. There were varied levels of peace too. This was the most he relaxed, but also while working on a project or repairing a car, his brain was focused on the task, and not haunted by anything. 

It was here that he finally came to terms with losing Sarah. She had been the one bright thing in his war torn world. When she was gone he mourned her severely. Without anyone to guide him, his grief shaped him into who he was today. No one would tell him that he was heading in a bad direction. No one would tell him no. 

It was up on the rooftop where he realized that Sarah had been the only thing worth living for. He didn't even deserve her. She had found him and liked him. At the time he was a young soldier, a sniper, living a lonely existence. But she breathed sunlight into his life. For the first time he thought about children and white picket fences and ball games and birthdays. She made him laugh at himself and loved him for who he was. She didn't care about his number of confirmed kills. It didn't matter at all. 

Then it was time to propose, he they both had the day free and he took her to a restaurant in Paris. Then there was a man, shouting. Before John could see him through the crowd a bomb went off.Then it all went black. When he woke and tried to get to her, she died before he could get out. 

He was discharged shortly thereafter. The physical scars healed, but the emotional scars were wide open. A few charges of being drunk and disorderly as well as assault led him back to London. A fresh start or so he hoped. He happened upon Wilf's shop one day, back then it was just one single bay. Wilf was leaned over the engine and cursing. Something compelled John to speak up. He could hear the familiar rattle it the Mercedes engine. He sidled up to Wilf, told him what exactly the issue was and was hired on the spot. He had been in the same place ever since. Wilf learned to give his best mechanic a wide berth and it worked out. 

John breathed deeply again, looking up at the starless sky. All he could see was a couple of planets due to the light pollution for the city. That was alright too. Sarah loved the stars. Not seeing them made it a little easier. At one time he knew all the constellations. He had done it to impress her but became interested himself. If they were separated he took solace in knowing that she was looking up at the same sky. 

John closed his eyes and focused his thoughts. It was curious how Jimmy just left Rose. He thought that most likely the boy wasn't done. That was what he was, a boy in a man suit. He had no right to treat Rose like that. John also knew that he may have to protect his new friend again. But that was not an issue. She had nothing to fear if he was there. 

An hour later John put the door back on its hinges and went back to his flat.He was calmed from being up there, but his mind was still full of Rose Tyler.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I bring you another installment of the story. Today our two lost souls get to find out a little more about each other. Thank you for your reviews so far.

Chapter 3  
John woke again in the morning before his alarm. But something was different. He still had nightmares, but somehow they had changed. He couldn't remember them usually when he woke, and that day was no different. But he didn't wake up as grumpy. Instead he rolled out of bed and felt overall better. He figured it was because he hadn't had his usual dose of whiskey. For some reason the events of the night made him tired enough to sleep without help. He shook it off, knowing that unless he could manufacture domestic drama every night, there was little chance to repeat his sleep for the coming night. 

John made it to work with time to spare and went about working on his waterlogged project. He had settled on the engine needing replacement, but was beginning to see that other systems may not need to be taken out. Before he knew it, Jack was tapping on his shoulder. 

"Oh hi Jack, what's for breakfast?" John asked.

Jack stared back, mouth open, eyes wide. "Hi Jack?" he said back. 

John just looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

Jack laughed out loud. "John, buddy, this is the first time you have EVER given me any type of salutation other than a grunt. What happened, ya get some last night?"

"You're hilarious Harkness." John growled, his scowl returning. 

John and Jack continued on, John not admitting to having any sort of encounter with a certain blonde sweet girl. He was convinced it was a onetime thing, he came to her rescue and that would be that. His life didn't work that way. With his luck she would be gone by dinner tonight. 

The day hadn't been annoying as usual. Maybe it was from his better mood. A least that was what Jack thought. John wasn't going to agree though. He got off work as usual and no one bothered him. He headed home on time. The sun was bright and warm that day, a nice change from the dreary rain that had been on and off all week. 

John arrived at his flat and looked around. Though tidy, he had various projects about. His eyes turned to an old juke box that stayed covered with a blanket in the corner. He had been given it years ago by a friend of Jack's. He was told it was unfixable. Jack had seen it and secured it, knowing how John liked to tinker. John hadn't started to work on it though. It was something about having a machine that played music to dance to that made him shy away. He didn't dance, so why have something around that was for that purpose?

But something drew him to it that afternoon. He popped open the side and revealed its neglected innards with a sigh. He pulled up a stool and got to work. 

It must have been hours later when John heard a knock at his door. He stood, having instant pain in his back and neck. He glanced at the clock on the microwave. He had been at it for 6 hours it was now 8pm. He had forgotten to eat dinner again.

He painfully ambled over to the door and opened it rubbing his neck as he went. He wrenched open the door only to regret it immediately. Rose stood in the hallway, a familiar frightened look her face. John dropped his hand and forced a smile so he didn’t have her running away. “Hi Rose,” he said, working hard to keep his normal tone out. Why was sounding nice so hard?

Rose blushed. “Hi um, I was wondering if you could help me. Um Jimmy must have come over to get his stuff. He did a little damage. But I ah, I guess that means he’s gone. But he did something to the stove top. It isn’t working. Well he actually did a lot of stuff. I know you said you could help if I needed. But I…” She looked closely at John. His face had moved to a scowl when he wasn’t forcing his smile. 

Rose moved back. “You know what? It’s OK, sorry to bother you.”

Shocked by her sudden turn, John realized he no longer looked nice. It was his normal expression, but to others it looked mean. “No wait Rose, I’d be happy to look at your stove and whatever.” He closed his door while stepping out. 

Rose looked like she wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or terrified, but she led him into her apartment. Her assessment that Jimmy did “a little” damage was hugely understated. The place was torn apart. Pillows were ripped and torn apart, pictures broken with glass scattered about, and everything had been pulled from the fridge and tossed on the floor. The kitchen was otherwise a mess too. Anything he could get his hands on he wrecked. After surveying the damage, John looked incredulously at Rose. 

“He did all this?”

“Yes, I guess. I came home from work and found it. I worked early, right after school and came home to find it.”

John growled under his breath. “What an arse.” 

Sitting on top of the stove were two pans, one large one for water and a smaller one for sauce. It was as if Rose was ignoring the mess to cook, like she just didn’t want to acknowledge it. 

He heard a little sniff from behind him. He turned to see Rose, who was staring at the damage and now crying quietly. 

Suddenly John had no idea what to do. This precious girl was crying, hurt by what her horrible ex-boyfriend did and he was completely at a loss of what to say or do. Comforting someone, especially a girl, was not in his skill set. Instead, he started picking things off the floor and seeing what was salvageable. Moments later Rose joined him. Within an hour they had picked up the bulk of the destruction. Rose even swept up the glass. 

They went about their work without talking, mostly because John just didn’t know what to say. Rose hadn’t asked him to help her with the general cleanup, he just did. He even went to his flat to retrieve tools at one point. After a while he started to examine the oven, quickly finding that Jimmy had kicked behind it multiple times, kinking the gas line. He turned off the gas flow and fixed the problem, quickly showing Rose that it was completed by putting her water on to boil.

Next John set his sights on a bookshelf that had been assaulted. The entire time he was in her flat, John was acutely aware of Rose’s location. They never came very close to one another, other than occasionally having to move around each other. 

John was just about finished nailing the bookshelf back together when he smelled something. It was the aroma of spaghetti sauce and smelled great. Uncontrollably is stomach growled. He hadn’t realized he was hungry. 

He heard a little giggle from behind him. He turned to find Rose at the newly repaired stove top, grinning widely at him. “Are you hungry John?”

“I suppose I could eat,” he answered, wiping his hands on a rag from his tool kit. 

“Well if you upend the table and get the chairs, we can eat. The garlic bread is almost done too.”

John quickly set to getting the table back on its feet and collecting two chairs. By the time he did, Rose was serving him a heaping plate of spaghetti, complete with two pieces of crusty garlic bread. He sat down and Rose took a place across from him. It occurred to him that it had been a long time since he ate at a table, let alone with anyone else at that same table. 

Since Sarah had been killed, he hadn’t dated at all. In fact, if Jack hadn’t attached to him like a parasite, he may not have any friends at all. It was a lonely existence, but one that seemed to fit. He hadn’t felt like he deserved anyone, not after he couldn’t save Sarah. 

John ate hungrily though. Rose laughed. “Do you like it?” 

He looked up to see her grinning at him again. He suddenly had the realization that his table manners were most likely quite bad. He sat up and wiped his mouth with the paper napkin she had provided. “It’s really good. Sorry I forgot to eat. I suppose I was hungrier than I thought.”

He looked across to Rose. She had lost her frightened expression and now looked at him intently. He stared back, consciously working to have a softened face. 

Rose was the first to speak as they examined each other. “John, thank you for helping me tonight. You didn’t have to.”

“Well I couldn’t just leave you with this mess. He must have done this while I was at work. If I would have heard it I would have stopped it.”

"I know." She sighed and looked around. "Well at least he's gone. But I guess that means I'm out too. It stinks. I liked this place, close to school and work. Oh well, back to my Mum's I suppose. I hate it when she’s right."

John nearly choked. "What? Why?" He took a moment to compose himself. "Why do you have to leave, Rose?" 

"Jimmy, even though he was a scumbag, payed half the rent. I can't afford to only work part time and still go to school. It's either I quit school and work to live, or I live with my Mum and finish. Either option is terrible."

"You are pretty calm about all this breaking up with him and finding all this damage. Most people would have called the police."

Rose sighed. "I'm calm because Jimmy and I were over long ago. I knew he was cheating on me, but because I didn't want to have to go home I ignored it. It’s amazing what you can ignore to maintain your sorry little life. Anyway, if I would have called the police it only would have made it worse. But he's gone now. I found his key jammed into the wall over there." She indicated a small hole by the door. "It's bad timing. But I knew I was leaving him eventually. I just wanted to finish school and move on."

"What are you in school for?"

"I'm in cosmetology school. My Mum does it, but I want to do more. I'm learning nails as well. Then the plan is to do for a business degree so I can have my own salon."

"You have a lot of good plans, Rose Tyler." He quirked the beginning of a smile this time, his eyes lit up. 

He was rewarded with a momentary look of shock at him using her whole name then a huge, tongue touched smile back. He started to get that now familiar warm feeling in his chest.

"Yeah, but it's hard. I thought I was going to go out on my own and conquer the world. But I ended up moving in with my useless boyfriend and struggling though school and work. Not quite a fairy tale."

John leaned forward, elbows on the table. "But you did it Rose, you went out and did it. Don’t be down on yourself. You tried. It may not have worked out this time, but I have confidence that you will try again until it does work. And you never know, miracles happen. "

This was the most she had ever heard him speak. He looked so earnest. She blushed under his intense gaze. "Thanks John. That's encouraging. "

"I know. I'm positive like that." He beamed at her and she chuckled. 

Rose had never seen a smile grace his face like this one. He was grinning from ear to ear. She felt a little flutter in her chest. When he smiled he looked like a completely different person. His whole face was bright. It was like she was seeing him again for the first time. She couldn't help but match his smile. 

"So what do you do John? I see you come home every now and again, but I was never sure."

Rose watched as John's brilliant smile faded and he scowled again. It occurred to her that he had no idea how he looked. He didn't school his features much. She could tell by the lines on his face that this was his normal expression. 

"I'm a mechanic."

"That would be why you knew what was wrong with Jimmy's car."

"That was an easy one."

"You like difficult ones?

John shifted in his seat. "I like a challenge. I like spending time just listening to the car just trying to figure out what is going on. I like thinking about it. It brings me peace." He wiped his face. 

"I'm guessing you don't get much peace." Rose offered. 

Suddenly John stood and gathered the plates. Rose sat in her chair, a little uncomfortable with his movement. Had she offended him? He tossed all the dishes in the sink and had them washed in a minute. Rose hustled up to help him dry. During time he didn't speak, not a word. Rose was confused and uncomfortable, but stayed with him. Perhaps he was working through something. If nothing else she figured it was nice to have him over to help and to have someone to eat with. 

When all the dishes were done, John turned to her. He looked maybe a little apprehensive. "Um Rose, would you like to join me... somewhere?"

Rose wasn't exactly sure where he was going with this, but accepted. "OK, Where?"

"I'll show you." With that he grabbed one of the kitchen chairs and led her out the door. After she locked up, he pointed down the hall and started off, Rose close behind him. She didn't know where they were going but never asked. Soon they got to the roof door and he set down the chair he had hauled up and lifted the door, setting it out of the way. Then he put out his hand motioning her to do out. 

Rose stepped out and took a sharp breath in. "It's beautiful out here. I never would have guessed. You can see everything!"

John smiled again, but not as big. He had been doing a lot more smiling tonight had he had in years. He could actually feel it in his face. “I like coming up here. It is a change of perspective.” 

Rose turned to face him. "I like it too. I never would have known you could come up here."

"But you have to keep it a secret, Rose. We don't want everyone coming up here. It's a special place." He set her chair next to his, then plopped down and relaxed.

"Don't worry John. Your secret is safe with me. I don't have time to come up here usually anyway." 

They both quieted then, Rose sat next to him and they both soaked in the night. At one point Rose wasn't sure if he had fallen asleep. "John?"

"Yes Rose?" His eyes were closed.

"I think I need to go down. I have to get up early. But thank you for everything. After all Jimmy did, it would have been a little hard to be home alone tonight."

"I thought you said he was gone."

"Oh I think he is, but it just hurt to see what he did. It was his way of getting the last word in." 

"I see." John stood and stretched. "Alright then Rose, I'll take you home."

He grabbed her chair and walked her to the doorway, making sure she was on the landing, then lifted the door back on its hinges. Rose went to take her chair and he waved her off. "Nope, my rooftop, I bring the chairs. He motioned for her to lead the way down the stairs. 

Rose keyed her way into her apartment when they arrived and John went in, lightly setting the chair in its place. 

He turned to her awkwardly. "Well then, thank you for dinner. If he bothers you again please don't hesitate to... come over I guess. Or just yell and I'll be there."

"I have no questions about that. Thank you John." Rose went up on her tippy toes and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. "You have no idea what it means to me that someone is looking out for me. I feel safe. Would you be willing to have dinner with again sometime? I mean before I leave? I have a freezer full of stuff to cook and I don't want to move it with me."

John grinned back. "Sure, just let me know. Goodnight Rose."

"Goodnight John." She fixed him with a shy smile. 

Though he realized that he never wanted to tear his eyes from her, he forced himself to turn and walked across the hall. He heard Rose's door click shut after he opened his, as if she had watched him leave. He put his hand on his cheek. He kiss had been warm and soft, and it now spread over him like a spring breeze. He caught remnants of her scent from being close to her. It was nice to be close to someone again, even though she would leave soon. All it took was one kiss from one girl and a nice quiet evening to restore his faith. Maybe his life didn't have to be so dark, so painful. There might be a light at the end of this torturous tunnel. 

He glanced over and saw his whiskey bottle and glass on the counter, waiting for his nightly ritual, but instead of pouring out a glass, he turned and headed to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when we start to see a change in John, he has second thoughts.

Chapter 4  
"BEEP BEEP BEEP." The ear piercing sound of his alarm cut through his comfortable sleep. He rolled over sleepily and shut it off, settling in again. Then his eyes shot open. He woke with his alarm, not before. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was only then he realized that he had slept all night, well a few hours of it anyway, and with no nightmares. 

John hurried getting ready, not used to having to remain on time. As he stood in the mirror shaving, he felt the familiar tug of his abdominal scar. It was then he noticed he was standing straighter. As he stood there, he noticed the pull got lighter, he wondered idly if it would go entirely if he stood with good posture all the time. 

The walk to work was nice, it seemed warm out, even early in the morning. When he arrived at the shop he quickly got to work on the waterlogged car. 

Hours later Jack came into John's corner to find John humming quietly while his legs stuck out of from under the car. The only drawback of having his back space was that there was not a lift for the undercarriage work. John didn't seem to mind rolling under the car though. 

"Is that humming I hear?" Jack asked, taking a seat.

John rolled out and took a look at his friend. "And if it is?"

"Just an observation, mate." Jack opened up the bag in his hand and produced a Danish for John, who quickly went about washing his hands before he took it. 

Jack eyed John with raided eyebrows.

"What?" asked John, chewing slowly. 

"There’s something different about you. I mean even more than yesterday."

"Hmf," was John's retort. 

"Come on John, I've known you for long enough to see something has changed. Clue me in?"

"No."

"Oh my Gods you're shagging someone!"

"I am not. Lay off it Harkness," John positively growled. 

"You are! Who is it John?"

John wiped his face. "It's not like that. Not everyone just jumps into bed with the nearest girl, or guy, for that matter." 

Jack grinned. "Oh John, look at you. What's her name?"

"Her name is Rose and we are not shagging. I just helped her clean up after her boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, trashed her place. I'm not her type nor is she mine. Too young. But it was nice... to..."

Jack jumped in. "It's nice to talk to someone. Maybe spend a few moments not being alone."

"Yup." John finished his Danish and stood, stretching. "So do you want to try take out from that Indian place for lunch? I'll pay." 

Jack again looked at his friend. John stood taller today, looked him in the eye and actually engaged. "Sure buddy, whatever you want."

As Jack turned to start his day, a worried looking Wilf entered the area. Both men took him in without a word. Wilf was ringing his hands. "Um John, I'm terribly sorry for bothering you. But Mr. Billingsley is here. He wanted to see what is taking so long with his car. I managed to stall him in the lobby, but he insists. He said he could have a tow truck here in a minute to take his car out to a reliable mechanic. I told him you were our best but he almost had a fit right there. I don't know what to tell him. I trust you John, but he is a huge part of our profits last year I just..."

"Send him back," John cut in gruffly, his expression unreadable. 

"Are you sure?" Wilf looked positively relieved. He never was unsure with John. He wasn't nervous in his presence and hadn't been in years. They had a great working relationship in that Wilf left him alone and John did his work without supervision. But seeing Wilf like this worried John a little. Mr.Billingsley must have said more to Wilf that he was censoring. 

Wilf nodded and left to fetch the customer and Jack turned to John. "Do you need backup mate?"

"No thank you Jack, I can handle him."

"May I remind you that homicide is both illegal and rude?"

"You may, but it won't be needed. I'm fine."

Jack patted his friend on the back just as Wilf entered with Mr. Billingsley. John quickly observed the man. He was short, even smaller than Wilf. He wore a tailored grey suit with a flower in the lapel. He wore shiny designer label shoes and even held a walking stick. He couldn't have been more stereotypical of the British hierarchy if he tried. Idly John wondered if he had a monocle and a pocket watch, because that would have completed the image. 

Wilf introduced him. "Mr. Billingsley, this is John Smith. He has taken on the project of your car."

The customer didn't even extend his hand to John, but sniffed and looked around with disapproval at his car that was literally spread all over the room. "I say Mr. Smith, you certainly have made a mess of things. I would like my vehicle though. I can't imagine what is taking you so long. "

John felt a smile tug at his lips. Over the man's shoulder stood Wilf and Jack, both frozen, both looking terrified as if John would snap at any second. 

Instead John answered in a calm voice, "I wonder Mr. Billingsley, if you would open the barrel next to you for me."

The man sniffed and reached out a well-manicured hand to lift the top of the barrel that was situated about a foot from him. When he did, he peered in and immediately jumped back coughing, slamming the top back on it.

"What was that? Is this some sort of joke Mr. Smith?" he spat out, now red faced.

"Oh no sir. It's just what I took out of your car. Everything I pulled from your vehicle I dropped in that barrel. What all that is represents what damage was done. Now I have to painstakingly replace everything that was touched by mud or water. Every single part."

Mr. Billingsley looked at John incredulously. "You mean all that came out of my car?"

"Yes sir. Did you not see it before I started?"

The man shook his head. "My son sent me a picture of if on the flat bed tow truck. It didn't look that bad."

"Not bad? It was submerged."

Mr. Billingsley took a step back. "I had no idea. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Smith. Do you think you can repair it?"

"I believe I can, but it's almost a complete rebuild. I'm not even half done."

"My son lied to me. He said he barely got it in the water. I have to go have a conversation with him."

John nodded. "Would you like me to keep working then?"

""By all means Mr. Smith. And please take your time. This is my baby. I searched for years to find just the one I wanted. You have to now there will be a huge reward for you if you are able to get it back on the road."

"No reward needed sir. I'm happy to work on it."

Mr. Billingsley then stuck out his hand and shook John's heartily. "You have my full support Mr. Smith. I hope you don't mind if I check in periodically. "

"No sir, I'll make sure Wilf here has the details."

With that Mr. Billingsley and Wilf turned and left, leaving John and Jack.

Jack turned to John grinning wildly. 

"What?” asked John.

"Oh yeah you got it bad."

"I don't know what you mean," John growled

"You would have had that man's head on a stick last week. But now.... whooooweee!" 

"Get lost Harkness." John punched his friend in the arm.

Jack winced then started to whistle as he left. John recognized the tune as "When I Fall in love" and threw a rag at him. 

 

OoOoOoOo

 

John hurried home after work. The landlord of this particular building of flats had an office on the bottom floor. In this case the landlord was a woman who thought highly of herself, but John tolerated. Today she was sitting at the desk as he entered. "Hello there Mr. John Smith, can I help you with something?"

"Indeed you can Ms. Harriet Jones. I wanted to inquire about helping with the rent for another tenant. Her flat is 3604. "

Harriet plugged the number into the computer. "OK that’s Rose Tyler and James Stone. Funny I got a couple of noise complaints about them last week. I was going to go up today and have a word with them. I know Rose is a sweet girl, but I don't know about James."

"No need to go up. He's gone. That's what brings me down actually. I want to pay his part of the rent. Wait, I want to pay three quarters of the rent. I was going to pay all of it but I didn't want to freak her out. "

"That's quite generous, John." Harriet looked up at him, hands steepled in front of her. 

"Well she's having a rough go. I'm just helping keep her on her feet."

"And how long should I put you down for these payments?"

"Indefinitely. And I want to remain anonymous."

Harriet sat back in her chair. "What should I tell her?"

"Don't tell her anything. Just say it's taken care of.”

Harriet looked at him, clearly trying to get a read on him, but he was also trying hard not to allow her to. She turned back to her computer and began to click around. "Oh wait. I need to talk to my bookkeeper. It looks like he hasn't paid his portion in two months. I wonder what she was doing. She should have caught this. I tell you, I thought she was a little young when I brought her on but she swore she would be professional. I did notice that she was friendly with some of the tenants too. "

"Well just add Jimmy's missed payments to what I pay. Oh, out of curiosity, what did she look like?" 

"She was tall and very thin. Stick thin. Anyway she always wore the shortest shorts I had ever seen as well as a variety of too small vest tops. I scolded her on her apparel several times. But I thought she was doing a good enough job that her clothes didn't matter. I guess I was wrong."

John laughed. "Well I know why she let Jimmy's rent slide, she was the girl that caused the disturbance. She was his little girl on the side. "

"Oh that explains a lot," Harriet huffed, "I haven't seen her in a few days. She called and said she had boyfriend issues. Now it's all coming into focus."

John bid Harriet adieu and headed up to his flat. He had always been cordial with her, even in his sour moods. Harriet left him largely alone too, so that was a plus. In all his years here they had never had a run in. 

John entered the stairwell happy with himself. He liked the idea of helping Rose but didn't want her to know if he could help it. Financially it was not an issue for sure. John had been payed handsomely by Wilf for a while now. His rent had not changed in years and he was making well over three times what he needed to live. All that money just piled up in his account anyway. He vaguely thought that he should do something with it, invest or something, but didn't have any desire to. He could easily pay for Rose's rent plus his own for years without making a dent in his money. He had really contemplated paying her whole rent, but from what he knew of her she would have been upset by it for sure. She was proud of fending for herself and he didn't want to rob her of that. As it was, she may be mad when she found out the truth. Hopefully they would be far enough along in their... what was it anyway...?

John stopped mid-step, his stomach dropping. What had he done? He was going ahead like they had a long term friendship or relationship. In fact he had only really talked to her for two days. She had extended the offer of another dinner together but it was entirely possible that she was just being nice. He may actually never see her again. At least she didn't have to move, unless she wanted to. Thinking back, he helping her was a little creepy. He thought for a second the he should go and tell Harriet to not do it. But she did need help and he could help her. He shook his head. There was no way to be sure that anything was the right thing to do. Was paying her rent his way of trying to be with her? He wasn't forcing anything on her though. She could leave at any time. He was just helping. 

John shook his head. It had been a long while since these sorts of thoughts had invaded his head. Normally it was all car specifications and calculations. Even they didn't clog his thoughts for too long. All of what he did on a daily basis was almost automatic. It was like he knew what needed fixing. Jack laughed and told him that the cars talked to him and he didn't disagree. He could usually listen, sometimes for minutes at a time in silence, and figure out the precise problem. His turnaround was much faster than the other mechanics including Jack. He always thought it was just in his blood. 

John's mood soured considerably with the realization that he might be making this whole thing with Rose into something it wasn't. Rose wasn't interested in him, he was just imagining it. She had a life to live and was on her way. Before long it would just be him again and Rose would be off living her life. What did she want with an old, broken soldier when her future was so bright and hopeful?

He sighed as he climbed the last few steps to his floor. The weight of his thoughts feeling like 100 pounds now on his back. No, it couldn’t happen. They were not meant to be. There was too much between them. Rose would see it soon and she would be gone. That's how it should be anyway. He was best alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! I was kicking myself for not posting as usual. But I’m back and hoping you’re ready for more. Luckily this story is done. I just am editing and juicing it up in parts. I hope you enjoy today’s installment. Thank you also for the reviews, they definitely make the toiling more worthwhile.

Chapter 5  
Hours later, John managed to calm himself, but only after fifty or so (painful) pushups and a searing hot shower. He belted back a shot of whiskey then settled into chair, after pouring himself a full glass. He now was concentrating on part of the record selecting mechanism for the juke box. It looked as if someone had tried to adjust it at one point and it no longer lined up as it should. He stared at the device and frowned, taking in all the dimensions like he usually did, turning it slowly in his hands. 

Something tickled at the back of his mind as he examined the mechanism, but he pushed it away. Whatever it was just persisted though. Knocking? He broke from his analysis to hear that it was indeed someone at his door. He nearly dropped the device in hand, jumping up and clamoring for the door. Opening the door quickly, he just caught Rose turning around heading home. "Hi Rose!" he beamed a little too enthusiastically at her back. 

Rose turned and fired him a bright smile. "Oh hi John, I didn't think you were home. I was off work a little early, slow night, and came home and made shepherd’s pie. I thought you may want some."

“Sure," he countered, trying with everything he had not to jump at the chance. His earlier thoughts starting to scratch their way back into his consciousness. He swallowed them back, but it took effort to get his limbs to move again in her presence. 

"C'mon then," she beckoned. 

His unwilling limbs began to loosen and he stepped up behind her. "So you got off work early again?"

"Yes I probably will all week. Not many people interested in eating out I suppose. I don't mind though. I had a few good weeks before this so I should make rent. Then of course I might be on my way. I suppose we'll see."

John smiled to himself knowing just how easy making rent would be. 

Upon entering her apartment, John quickly noticed just how different it was inside. It seemed brighter, more feminine touches clearly on display. She had also cleaned up the rest of the damage, rearranged the furniture and hung a happy picture of a flower over the hole Jimmy put in the wall with his key. It spoke to a girl who had control of her life. John’s earlier revelations came slamming back as he stood in her kitchen. She knew how to live her life, how to recover. That was not his case at all. 

Rose didn’t seem to notice him stall, instead she saw about laying out with placemats, plates and utensils. She had the pie on the table already with glasses and a container of yellow fluid. 

"Would you like some lemonade? It's from mix, but I wasn't sure what you drank." She eyed him cautiously now, perhaps feeling a bit if his nervousness. 

"That would be nice," answered John, thinking back to the whiskey he left in his flat. He hadn't had lemonade in years, perhaps it was time to lay off his drink of choice and try something again. He forced a smile and saw her relax. 

Rose motioned for him to sit and he did, then chastised himself for not getting her chair when she pulled it out across from him. Once they were seated, Rose served him up a generous helping. Then she waited for him to take a bite. Dutifully, he scooped up a heaping forkful and put it in his mouth, hummimg. "Rose this is fantastic."

"It's my grandmother's recipe." 

"I haven't had this in years. It's really good."

"Thanks." Her response wasn't as cheery as John had anticipated. He stole a glance at her. She was pushing her food around on the plate and not eating much. She looked sad too. He once again found him in the awkward position of having a possible emotional girl in front of him and no way to deal with it. In looking around the flat, it looks like she had it all together. John thought for a second that maybe that wasn’t the situation. Maybe she too was still struggling despite what he could see. There thoughts actually calmed him a little. 

"Uh Rose, are you OK?"

"I'm fine, it's just weird. I made dinner and got ready to eat, but found out very quickly how lonely it was in here. I mean you know when you are younger, you're looking for 'the one'? And then you may or may not find that one, but you kinda build your life around someone. And then in a blink of an eye it changes."

John swallowed. He knew he needed to say something. "Did you think Jimmy was the one?"

Rose shook her head. "No, oh I don't know. He may not have been the right one, but he was there. He represented my ability to be independent of my mum. But thinking back, it wasn't fun to be with him. He wasn't nice, and didn't treat me well. But I was on my own, I guess I just figured it would get better. It never did."

Rose shifted in her chair. I wonder if I will ever find 'the one'. It seems like I never will."

"I did," John offered quietly. Rose had been wrapped in her own reverie and almost missed it. 

She leaned forward. “You did? I didn't know you were married."

John swallowed and quickly realized that this is somewhere he didn't want to be. Now was not the time to talk about Sarah. 

"I wasn't married, but close. I... lost her in a suicide bomber attack while we were in the military."

"Oh John, I'm so sorry."

"You needn't be, I'm over it," Jon lied. 

Rose sensed that she needed to move on and did. "Do you suppose that there is more the just one person for each of us? Or did I use it all up on Jimmy? Do I have to become a crazy cat lady now?"

John grunted. "I know people who have had several loves. I don't know the answer though. " 

They sat for a few moments in silence. Rose was the first to speak. "You should smile more.”

John’s eyes met hers. His face was soft. “Not a big smiler, me.”

“You should be, you have a brilliant smile.” Rose nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. 

After all his missed opportunities and the times he mentally chastised himself for not saying or doing something, he took a gamble. “I’ll try… for you.”

“I’d like that.” She was blushing furiously. John’s heart had started to beat rapidly too. He probably matched her blush. When had he become so awkward? He was acting like a love struck teenager with this girl. But he could not have been happier at that moment. 

She took a breath as if trying to break the pressure. “Hey so, thanks for joining me tonight. It was nice having company."

"Thanks for feeding me Rose. I needed... to eat,” he countered awkwardly.

She giggled to herself with her head down. "So John, what were you working on? I saw something in your hand when you were at the door."

John was puzzled for a moment before he recalled hastily tossing the device back on the couch. "Oh that? It's just a piece of an old jukebox. I friend found it and gave it to me. It’s a mess. I'm just tinkering on it... I like to tinker I guess."

"A jukebox? Can I see it? I LOVE those. There used to be one at this little pizzeria I went to as a kid. My mum used to let me pick a song every time we went. "

"There's not much to look at, but sure. Let me help with dishes though." With that he stood and collected his and her dishes and headed to the sink while Rose picked up the remainder of the food and put it in the refrigerator. They made quick work of the mess and before he knew it he was letting her into his flat. 

He hurriedly picked up his whiskey glass and went to stow the bottle but quickly saw he didn't have to. Rose was over at the juke box, kneeling down and squealing. "Oh John, it's beautiful! It's just like the one I used to use!"

John stashed his drink and bottle in the kitchen before joining her. He didn't know why he was so keen to have her not see what his normal course of evening operations were, but for some reason it was important. 

He walked up behind her and reached out, putting his hand on top. "I still don't know if she’s fixable. There was a lot of damage. I guess we'll see."

"I hope you do John! I love some of the older music that used to play on these. My nan used to always play me Elvis when I was a kid. I love his music. So much fun and so much love all rolled into one. If you fix it maybe I can come over and we can dance to it.”

John stiffened. Rose noticed but clearly was unprepared. "Oh John, I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No," he answered simply. His voice had lost all of the emotion it had had just moments before. The word came out and floated like a storm cloud in the room. Rose squirmed under the sudden pressure. 

"Well John, I... I hope you can get it fixed. I'll just...um... go. "

John didn't stop her as she stood and headed for the door. He stood, just where he had been, but now apparently lost in thought. He didn't even hear her open the door and close it behind her. 

Sarah had loved to dance. Especially to the do wop songs of the 1950’s. She said she must have been a showgirl in a past life. She would insist on dragging him onto the floor for if no other purpose than to twirl her which John did happily. She even went so far as to request that at their upcoming wedding. The wedding that never happened. He had searched and searched for just the right live band, and when he had found one, he had booked it a year in advance, just before their last deployment. 

One of the hardest calls he ever made was to cancel them, and he was only able to do that about a month before the event was planned. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Making that call meant that Sarah was gone forever and there was no hope. After the call was made he fell into a black hole. He didn't see the light of day for weeks after that.

When John finally broke from the prison in his head, he looked around and found Rose gone. Had he scared her off? He didn't even know how long he had been thinking. It was long enough that his feet had grown painful. He checked the clock. It was midnight. He had been lost in thought for hours. A painful stab of regret went through heart. What would Rose think now? For one thing she would think him off his gourd for sure. 

John went to his kitchen and downed a healthy bit of whiskey. He coughed a little at the sudden burn. He needed to talk to Rose, if for nothing else than to make her see that he wasn't completely round the bend. That girl did something to him. Not in the way anticipated, well that way too, but in his head, she quieted things. The noise, the sorrow, the war... everything was quieter when she was around. She had a mute button attached to her. He knew it was too soon for her to be over Jimmy, not that John was her type anyway, but he had a driving desire to just be with her. She was like a shot of adrenalin and valium at the same time. When she was around, things seemed brighter and better. He could see the future, which he hadn't for some time. He normally lived day to day not caring what lie ahead. Now he wanted to know. He really wanted to see if his future held any hope of being with her. But then of course he had just scared her off, again.

That night John slept poorly again. He woke a full half hour before his alarm and dragged himself to work. It felt as if he had an anchor attached to him all day. Jack, of course, picked up on it immediately. "Uh oh, did you have a falling out with the missus?" he asked. 

To that John simply growled and shut a door in his face. 

After what seemed like the longest day in history, John hustled home and showered, taking care with his fingernails and hands to get the grease off. He even went so far as to unearth some cologne that he had gotten years ago as a misguided gift from Wilf's wife as a Christmas gift. He put the bottle up to his nose. Well at least it didn't stink. He put a little on and called it good. 

Just before he anticipated Rose getting home he made an important phone call. Thirty minutes later there was a knock at his door. He opened it to reveal a pizza delivery guy. Behind him he could see Rose coming down the hall, looking down. Was she avoiding him maybe? John shoved a wad of cash at the man with the pizza, who promptly disappeared, most likely trying to escape before John would realize how much he had given him. 

As the doorway cleared, John stepped out into the hall. "Uh Rose?" he asked.

Rose raised her eyes to him. She looked tired. She answered in a shy voice. "Oh, hi John."

John shuffled his feet, still holding the pizza box. "Um sorry about last night. I got kinda lost in thought. But I bought this pizza and there is more than enough. Would you like to...I don't know... join me?"

Rose stood there in the hallway not really moving. For one torturous moment John genuinely thought she was going to deny him. He started to shift his weight to make a hasty retreat when she spoke up. "Um ok, and you don't have to apologize to me for having thoughts in your head. You went through something big, it's bound to leave scars."

"More than you know" John thought to himself. He grinned widely at her though, motioning with his head. "C'mon then Rose Tyler, I'll pop in a movie. I think I have something."

She followed him inside and they both quickly found out that in fact John only had a few old war movies. Rose wrinkled her nose and shook her head. Just that motion alone made John nearly gasp for breath. Rose laughed and ran to her flat, coming back with a DVD of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Then she was shocked that he had never seen it before. "Oh John, you're in for a treat!" she enthused. 

And he was. John laughed throughout the movie along with Rose. He didn't understand the ending though, until she explained that is was supposed to be that way. 

After the pizza, John grabbed one of his extra chairs and took her to the roof again. This time though, they talked. It wasn't about anything in particular, but they just conversed. But unlike most conversations John had on a daily basis, he was comfortable. Rose was easy to talk to. The biggest difference was how much he found himself laughing. Rose joked with him and he teased and joked back. He even laughed so hard that he felt a tug on his scar. That had never happened before. At least not since he was injured. He loved to see how she saw the world and what she found funny. As it turned out, they had a similar view, though he had to admit she saw things through younger eyes. But they had a lot of the same values. 

After over an hour and quite by surprise, John yawned. 

Rose giggled."Look who's tired now!"

"Me I guess." He stood looking up. "I liked being up here tonight though. I wish we could see more stars. You know one day I need to go to the country and just have another look at the stars. My life has changed so much in the past years, I wonder if they will look different.”

"Did, um Sarah, like to look at them?" Rose was instantly concerned that mentioning her would derail John again. 

To her surprise it didn't. "Yeah, she really did,” was all he answered. Then with renewed energy that startled her, he said, "Well it's late, we should head in."

"Yeah I suppose. Thanks for dinner."

"No problem." He led her to the doorway. 

"Hey John, don't you want to grab that chair you brought up for me?" Rose asked.

"Nah, let's just save it for next time." he countered.

Next John felt something incredibly foreign yet extremely nice. Rose Tyler slipped her hand into his and squeezed. "Thanks John." she said quietly. 

John was completely baffled. He was at a complete loss for words. He gave her a gentle squeeze back but couldn't come up with anything to say.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is, another big dose of fluff. Of course it’s not straight fluff, who do you think I am anyway? But for those of you looking for some of it, I hope I deliver. Please let me know if I’m on the right track. I think I am. But of course life is not without its roller coasters, and our friends are in for a big one. But not today. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 6  
The initial shock of Rose’s closeness became more comfortable to John. Though it was odd for him to have the feeling that someone actually wanted to spend time with him, Rose made the transition seamless. Before he knew it, John found that he and Rose fell into somewhat of a rhythm. She came to find him after work or they planned dinners if she got off early. One night John found himself on his couch sipping Rose’s favorite kind of tea, one that she insisted him buy for himself, as he waited for her to come home. He anticipated her arrival one night, but she was a little late. Just as he started to think about being worried, John heard a gentle knock at his door. It was almost too quiet. 

He stood, the juke box mechanism he was working on still in hand, and got the door. 

He opened it to find a shocked Rose. She had long since stopped being scared of what would be there when he opened his door. Now she was always greeted with a kind smile. This time though, something was off. 

"Is something wrong?" tumbled out of him before he knew it. 

Rose walked past him clearly in a daze. They had been pretty casual lately so her coming in uninvited wasn't abnormal. 

She walked aimlessly around for a few seconds before turning to him. "I went online to pay my rent and it said that I only owe half of what I've been paying. I looked at my account and it said that that was the amount that I now owe. Like that’s the way it is …forever."

John suppressed a smile. "That's fantastic!"

"I was so surprised that I called Harriet immediately. I think I actually woke her. She said someone took care of it but wouldn't give me any more. Do you know what this means?"

"What?" John was sweating in anticipation.

"I means I don't have to move. And I can actually breathe, not be afraid all the time of not making my rent payment." She looked up at him smiling broadly. "I can stay!"

On impulse she pitched forward, landing in his arms and hugging him tightly. John happily hugged back. This was the closest they had ever been. They hadn't even held hands since after the first time on the roof. Now he held her close, the warmth of her body reaching deep into his and stirring his soul. He felt his heartbeat quicken, almost like she had injected sunshine right into it. All too quickly she pulled back, tucking hair behind her ear a little embarrassed. 

"I'm glad you can stay Rose." John said for if no other reason to fill the silence. 

"Me too. I just don't get it, my Mum doesn't have the funds to help me. Wait, do you think..."

John reddened in preparation for the next question. He hadn't thought of a way to answer her when she found out he had paid for her. 

Rose grinned widely again. "Do you think Jimmy finally is accountable for something? I had to cover him so many times, maybe now that he is away he is paying me back. That's all I can come up with."

John turned his attention to the juke box so she couldn't see his expression which was positively stricken. He hadn't wanted to tell her for his own reasons, but hearing her go right back to Jimmy was like a sucker punch to the gut. The feeling of warmth that had been born in his chest quickly shriveled. He reached inside the top of the juke box and stared to jiggle something. "I don't know Rose, but why would he all of a sudden be an upright citizen? Maybe you should explore other options." He voice had changed from one excited to hear her to one that was much more gravely and low. To Rose it sounded like a growl that was poorly covered. 

Rose crossed her arms, confused, staring at the back of his head. His change in demeanor was off putting but being around him allowed her to see his mood swings and how common they were. She was trying hard let them resolve themselves and to not let them bother her. Being around John was a bit of a challenge sometimes, but she could see that he had a good soul. He just had his moments. But honesty they seemed to be less and less. She was careful to leave some subjects untouched, like the military, his past love life, marriage, kids etc. But every once and a while he was triggered and she couldn’t figure out why. This was one of those times. 

She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. She could feel his initial twitch of stiffness under his jumper but then him relax somewhat. She leaned in closer. "Anyway, I wondered if you wanted to come on an adventure with me."

Turning to face her, John asked, "An adventure? What do you mean?" 

"You'll see. I have tomorrow off, and I was planning on doing this, but now I can since I have a bit of extra money. But this is an evening adventure so I'll come for you at like 8:00?"

"Rose, I don't want you to spend any money on me. This rent thing, you should see it as a gift. Go take care of yourself with it."

"This is something I want to do and you can't deny me. So I'll come get you at 8. No arguments."

John finally smiled back at her. "OK I won't argue. Do I need anything?"

"Your jacket." And with that Rose turned and headed for the door. "Goodnight John!" she called cheerily. 

The door shut before he could get his "Goodnight Rose" out. 

OoOoOoOo

The next day, promptly at eight, there was a rap on John's door. He had been pacing since 6:00 though. He wondered what she had planned, what she wanted to do, well about everything. 

He opened his door and she stepped in smiling. "Hi John, are you ready?"

Even though he had been pacing, it occurred to him at that moment that he actually hadn't gotten ready. He had ditched his jacket somewhere earlier, and only wore a jumper. He also came to the realization that he had taken off his boots somewhere else and had been walking around in his socks. 

"Um, hold on just one minute." he mumbled. 

Rose gave him an amused giggle and got out of his way. While he moved around looking for everything. He even groused out loud about not having his keys or wallet. 

Rose moved over to the kitchen where a set of keys hung on a hook. "Are these your keys?" she asked, pointing. 

"No not my flat keys, those are to my cabin. I don't know why I even keep them. The cabin’s in the middle of nowhere. I never lock it. If someone wants in bad enough, no one is there to stop them. So why lock it?"

Rose leaned closer to the keys. "Are those coordinates on the keychain?"

"Aha here is my wallet! It fell into the couch cushions. Um yes those are the coordinates to the cabin. The guy who I bought it from said he got lost all the time on the way in so he made a keychain with GPS coordinates on it. I don't know what his problem was though, it’s not hard to find. He was a moron."

"Do you go there often?" Rose asked, amid him declaring he found his flat keys.

"About once a year. Wilf closes the shop for a month in the summer. He makes us all take time off. That's in addition to vacation we earn. So I go and just... be."

Rose bit her lip." Do you take anyone?" She wasn't sure what brought her to ask that. 

John snorted, pulling on his jacket. "No just me. I usually end up doing repairs most of the time I'm there. I suppose I should try to go more often, but… I don't know. Anyway I'm ready now. Sorry about that."

"No problem. C'mon then." Rose led him down the stairs to the front of the building. There was a yellow Volkswagen beetle sitting by the kerb. John eyed it warily as Rose walked up to it. 

"Rose I don't think I will fit in your car," he said blandly. 

"It's not my car, it's my mate Mickey's. Don't worry, it's bigger on the inside."

"I highly doubt that," he grumbled, opening the door. 

Somehow John managed to fold his tall, burly frame into the little car. When he had secured his belt he turned to her. "So this is your mate's car?"

"Yeah, we have been best mates since we were kids. We tried dating once, but it didn't really stick. We're better as friends."

For some reason John felt great relief in that last statement. 

Before he knew it Rose continued, "He lets me borrow the car whenever I want as long as I fill the tank. Funny thing is that it's always down when I get it. I think he lets me have it just for the gas. "

"Typical," John muttered.

The car fell quiet after that, Rose concentrating on the road as she navigated through London. John didn't mind, and spent his time looking out the window while stealing an occasional glance at Rose. Several of the times he did though, he found her doing the same. 

As they drove John listened to the car. It was a much older model and had common issues, all fairly minor. It had a few major ones too, and he hoped that the thing would hold together until they got back. The ability to diagnose problems by simply listening was a gift and he knew it. It came from the times when he "acquired vehicles" when he was younger and frequently had to fix them to get them on the road. 

Before he knew it, the landscape changed from city to country as the sun dipped below the horizon. "Where are we going, Rose?" he asked.

"We're here!" she replied, turning off onto a dirt road. She drove down it about 50 metres and pulled over. She hopped out of the car and opened the hood. It took John a minute or two to join her. When he did he saw that she had packed several bags and brought alone a blanket. He marveled at how comfortable she looked with the funny little car. Not even fazed by how the storage was in the front and not the boot. 

She reached in before he could and picked it all up. "OK follow me over here," she called over her shoulder, leaving him to close the hood behind her. 

John jogged up to Rose as she was setting down the load. "I could have helped you with all that," he said. 

"Nope this is my thing. But you can help me spread out the blanket which he did without a word. She had settled them in an area that was on a little grassy hill. About a hundred metres below was a little babbling brook and a thatch of trees was beyond. It was a pretty area by day. He wondered idly if she had come here as a girl of if Jimmy brought her. He shuttered at the thought. 

The blanket was really big with more than enough room for the both of them. Rose sat on one side and John the other before he spoke again. 

"OK so I get that you've make a picnic, but why here, and why at night? We’ll be totally in darkness soon."

"You'll see," she answered, smiling. Soon Rose had the bags unpacked and the food laid out in front of him. There was a pile of sandwiches, fruit salad and pink biscuits. "I didn't know what you liked so I made several kinds of sandwiches," she ventured, holding out the plate to him. 

John grinned widely. “If you made it Rose, I'll love it for sure."

Soon the light in the sky faded entirely. They were wrapped up in eating and talking that they hardly noticed that it was getting harder to see each other. John found it easy to talk to Rose about nothing in particular. She didn't ever pry into his past, yet she managed to get out of him that he liked bananas and that his favorite thing to do at his cabin was chop wood. 

As then finished up eating John spoke up. "Hey Rose, it's getting really dark, is there anything I should know?"

Rose answered simply, "Look up."

John had previously had all his attention on Rose, but looked up and his breath caught. The sky was brilliant. The stars were brightly shining, so much so that he could see the Milky Way. Without thinking he laid back to take it all in. "Rose, it's beautiful," he breathed. 

"I know." Before he knew it, Rose was laying right next to him, head only inches from his, looking up too. "You said you hadn't seen the stars in a while, so I figured I would bring you out to see them. This was my favorite spot when I was a teenager. We would all cram in the car and drive out here to drink beer and relax, you know? But I loved to just look up at the stars."

"Thank you," he said turning to look at her. She turned to him too and he could see her eyes reflect the brightest stars. Then he could feel her hand find his and squeeze. He held it tightly. Hers felt so perfect in his, like they were made to be together. 

Then John felt a little quiver in Rose’s hand. “Rose, are you cold?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose. I thought about everything but forgot to bring a jacket.” 

Before she could even think to protest, John sat up, whipped off his leather jacket and had it settled on her shoulders. She hummed contentedly, sinking into the warmth.

“Thanks John,” he heard from next to him. It was a little muffled because the jacket was so big on her. 

“You’re welcome,” he answered. Before he knew it, her hand was back in his and she was once again down next to him. 

“John?”

“Yes?”

“What did you do in the military?”

John took a breath. “I was in an elite unit. I really can’t say much.”

“Were you a sniper?”

John turned his head towards her, looking incredulously at her. ”How could you possibly have known that?”

“You remind me of a sniper. You know, a little cold, but calculating. You always know exactly what you are doing.”

“Me? Cold?” he teased.

“Well not all the time, but I can see it. Not cold really, but able to detach yourself.”

“Yeah,” he didn’t elaborate further. 

“Can I ask something else?” They had both returned to looking at the stars.

“I guess,” he answered.

“Can you tell me about your… girlfriend?”

Without pause John started,”Her name was Sarah. We were to be married. We met while stationed in Afghanistan. You would have liked her, she was beautiful and kind. She liked to cook too. We were to be married, until a suicide bomber stole her away. How about that? Does that cover it?”

“I’m sorry John I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious.” She shifted a little, her hand going slack in his. 

He gripped hers. “No, I know I need to talk about it. She’s gone and I need to be able to move on, but she was a big part of my life. I mean I thought we would be together forever. But the world still turns. I miss her, but I’m OK with still being here. Plus if things hadn’t happened the way they did I would never have met you.”

“Not that I am a good substitute.”

John suddenly turned to her, even though he could barely see her. He pulled her hand closer to his chest. “Oh Rose, you’re fantastic. Never believe anything less than that. No you’re not a substitute either. You are a totally different element.” He squeezed her hand again, and was pleased to feel her snuggle closer.  
OoOoOoO

Hours later of star gazing, talking, hand holding and more than their fair share of mosquito bites, the pair gathered the blanket and basket and headed back to the car. Rose didn’t take off his jacket and he didn’t ask for it back even though he was beginning to feel the chill too. He rubbed his arms quietly so she wouldn’t notice. 

Back at the car Rose jumped in the driver’s side and put the key in the ignition. The car initially started then sputtered to a stop. She didn’t even have time to curse before John was at the back of the car with the boot open examining the engine. He produced a little torch, which he held in his mouth. Rose rounded the car just in time to see him scowling. 

“What’s wrong? Mickey didn’t tell me anything was wrong with the car. Are we stuck here?” she asked, chewing on her thumbnail.

Without looking up John answered, ”Nah, we’re not stuck, have some faith in me! I think it’s just a connection. Just give me a minute.” His hands were buried deep in then engine as he poked around. 

Meanwhile Rose leaned on the car. John went about pulling on wires and wiping things on his shirt. Finally he looked up at her. “Rose, I need a finger.” His voice sounded funny with the torch between his teeth. 

“Huh?” she asked. 

John smiled in return and took out the torch. “I need you to put a finger on something while I tighten it back.”

“Oh,” she replied, leaning close. 

“Put your finger right here.” He showed her. “Now press on that wire….and I’ll just…” he put the torch back in his mouth. He leaned in around her, it took a few moments for him to get the right angle. In which time they became VERY close. His head was pressed to hers and she could feel his breath on her cheek. 

“There!” he exclaimed right in her ear, making her jump. The torch fell from his lips and he caught it deftly. Rose stepped back and John reached out and stuck his hand in one of the front pockets of the jacket she still wore. He rummaged around a bit and came out with a handkerchief that he began wiping his hands on. His proximity was not lost on her. He hadn’t moved back at all. 

“So what was wrong?” she asked, a little out of breath. 

“Oh on these old Beetles the contacts on the wiring get worn. It can muck things up quickly. But all it took was a little jiggery pokery and voila!”

“Just like that huh?”

“Just like that. Go try it.” He motioned to the car. Rose turned and strode to the driver’s seat, instantly missing his closeness. He stood by the door while she tried it again. Sure enough it roared to life and stayed on. It even seemed to be running smoother. 

“You fixed it!” she exclaimed with a huge smile. 

“Of course I did, I’m brilliant!” he retorted. “Now out with you, I’ll drive back. It’s late.”

Instead of Rose climbing into the other seat through the car, she stood up, only centimeters from him then slid around the front of the car. 

John stalled for a few moments, shook his head and got in the driver’s seat. When she was in and secure, he put the car in gear and started the drive back to London. He kept an eye on Rose, but she was quiet. Before long he noticed she was fast asleep. 

Sometime later he pulled up to the front of their building. He looked at her again, as he had been periodically through the trip. She looked so angelic snuggled up in his coat. John parked the car and put on the emergency brake. Rose didn’t stir. He closed his door and walked around to her side and opened her door, still nothing. At this point John truly was at a loss as what to do. He could carry her up without any effort, but would that be weird for her? He allowed himself the brief fantasy of setting her down in her bed before he shook his head. That was going too far, at least for now. 

Instead he settled on gently shaking her. “Rose? Rose wake up we’re home.”

Rose slowly regained consciousness and looked around. She spoke, her voice slightly slurred from sleep, ”Sorry, I must have…”

“No problem,” he cut her off. He took her hands and helped her to her feet. She was a little unsteady, still waking up and he draped his arm over her shoulder to guide her. 

He stayed at her side all the way up the stairs to their floor. She shuffled her feet and he helped her along the whole way. It was more like he was carrying her anyway. He actually thought about sweeping her into his arms a couple of times but just didn’t get there. 

She didn’t say anything along the way. When they got to her door, she dug around for her keys and turned the lock. John stood back, knowing that she was still partially sleeping and moving more on automatic mode. She pushed through the door without a word.

John stood in the hallway, not sure what he should do next. He really wanted to make sure she was safe, but not be too intrusive at the same time. He must have stood there for a few minutes before he decided he should just call it good and go into his own flat. He turned with a sigh and opened his door.

Just then he heard a door open behind him. “John?” came a sleepy, sweet voice.

“Yes Rose?” He turned to see her standing there, holding out his jacket.

“Thanks for your jacket, and for fixing the car and for a good night.”

John took the jacket from her hands. “No thank you. I had a wonderful night.”

Rose reached out and took his arm, pulling him down for a kiss on the cheek. “I wouldn’t mind doing something like that again,” she whispered in his ear. The kiss coupled with her breath in his ear made John tingle all over. Rose smiled self-consciously and stepped into her flat, watching him watch her as she closed the door. 

Once the door was closed John held the jacket up to his face. Just has he had hoped, the lining now had the sweet smell of the girl that wore it. He slid it on and reveled in it. It felt like Rose was hugging him. 

Still tingling from the kiss and never wanting to take off the jacket, John entered his flat. 

Again that next morning he realized he was woken by the alarm. He had slept soundly all night again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff and fluffity fluff! But dear readers, there are storms ahead, both of the literal and figurative sense. Don’t get too comfortable.

Chapter 7  
The smell of Rose on his jacket stayed through the night. In the morning he was once again wrapped in it as her walked to work. It felt like she was with him and brightened his world. When he got there, he reluctantly shucked it off as he took in his project. The car that he thought would be a total loss was finally coming together. He figured he should have it done in a week or so depending on the delivery of parts and such. It had been a slow yet steady process, but as he moved forward with it he became more and more proud. It made him think of Rose too. They were also slow and steady. He hadn't been this close to a woman since Sarah, though a few had tried. No one had been able to get through John's armor. Somehow Rose did though. She waltzed right in like he had no barriers at all. It was shocking really. He had his walls carefully constructed in order to keep him away from people. It was easier that way, he didn't have to care. 

 

But now he actually felt like caring. It felt good to look forward to something. It felt good anticipate seeing Rose. She was just so easy to be with. She didn't expect much and gave him the space that he needed. That must have been the key. She let him be him. And in doing that, the old him started to resurface. He found himself making plans and wanting to be home at the same time. 

Even though Rose was now aware of it, the jukebox was coming along. John had had to order parts for it, a lot of parts, but was able to fix others. Now the behemoth that had been taking up space in his flat might actually become something. He smiled to himself when he thought about showing it off to Rose when he was finished. He couldn't wait to see her face. 

"Earth to John," came a voice from behind him. 

John looked up to find that Jack had come up with their breakfast. "Oh hi Jack, sorry just thinking."

Jack sat on a stool and took his sandwich from the bag, tossing the bag to John who took a seat too. 

Jack took a bite and eyed his friend. Then, even though he was still chewing said, "So John, I gave you a little space last week when you suddenly got nicer, but it now has been a while and I can't stand it anymore. What is her name and what’s so special about her? Don't you even begin to tell me that it's nothing. I haven't had to break up a fight you were in in a long time. It has to be something."

John swallowed. "Fine, I'm only doing this because if I don't you won't let up. Her name is Rose. I don't know what specifically is special about her. I guess she just gets it. It being me. "

"So is it love?"

"It's something. I don't know."

"Is she good in bed?"

John threw his wrapper at Jack. "First off, I'm never going to tell you even if she was, but I truly don't know. We haven't gone too far. Mainly just hand holding and kisses on the cheek."

Jack sighed loudly. "Well I would die if that happened to me. If they are unwilling to hop into bed pretty much on the second date, sometimes on the first, I get bored. I'm on a timeline you know?"

"She's not like that, Jack. She's sweet and caring. I have no doubt that if we stick with it we could go there, but right now we’re just happy being together."

"Is she hot at least?"

John visibly blushed. "Very, but there is something else. It's not all looks, but it's like she is the whole package, smart, funny, nice, ambitious, you know all those things." John stood and tossed the empty breakfast bag into the trash. 

"Can I meet her?" Jack asked. 

"No." John answered a little too quickly.

"Gods John, I'm not going to steal her. She doesn't sound like my type anyway. Except the hot part."

"I thought anyone was your type."

"Well that's not a lie, but I guess if she likes you she's officially off the market."

"I guess so. You're really the only one who knows this except my landlord, but I paid her rent, well half of it. Actually it will end up being three quarters. It's complicated."

"You did what?"

"So when we were first... talking I guess, her boyfriend left, he actually trashed the place, anyway he was supposed to be paying half the rent. She was thinking she would have to move. I couldn't stand it and I went over and took his half then half of what she owed. Is that creepy?"

Jack was a little taken aback at John's long-windedness. He recovered quickly though. "It may be a little creepy. Why not the whole amount?"

"I didn't want her to feel like I was taking over."

"What did she say?"

"I haven't told her."

"John Smith, you are a chicken."

"I am indeed."

"So are you guys official? Is this actually a relationship?"

"I told you , it's something. I don't know what it is. I like her, she seems to like me. I guess we'll just run with it and see where it takes us."

OoOoOoOo

Over the next week both Rose and John got busy. John was putting in extra time trying to finish the car and Rose's work and school ramped up too. All they managed was a meet up in the laundry room and take out tacos later. It was OK though, it wasn't like they needed to be together every minute.

John still wasn't sure what they had either. He always was a little surprised when she was eager to see him. But what they had was easy and nice. At the end of the week they both agreed to a Saturday night dinner on the rooftop. John would be supplying the food because Rose had to work. 

After having a particularly successful day on Friday, John came to the conclusion that the car would be done if he put in a few hours on Saturday morning. There were just some finishing touches to do. Wilf had Saturday hours available for some of the mechanics anyway, so John informed him of the plan and Wilf agreed to come in special to get the payment. Mr. Billingsley was more than happy to agree to come in too. 

John worked diligently to finish on time. He was putting a shine on the front bumper as Wilf poked his head in. John looked up and grinned so Wilf led the customer in.

Mr. Billingsley's gasp and subsequent very un-manly squeal made John jump. "My baby! You fixed it! I was so terrified I would never get her back. Oh my, she's beautiful!" he gushed as he made his way around, opening doors and checking things over. When John turned the engine over, Mr. Billingsley almost cried. "John, you saved her. Listen, she purrs like a kitten! I am forever in your debt. She's gorgeous!"

John surprised Wilf immensely by smiling at the customer. "It should be fine now sir, but can you do me a favor and not let your son drive her? Oh and I'd like to have her back after about 100 miles to check her over one more time."

Mr. Billingsley stuck out his hand and shook John's fiercely. "Of course, of course I'll bring her back. And my boy is banned from all my cars. He has his own. But you might see those as well at some point."

"I'd be happy to fix whatever you bring me, it was my pleasure." John bowed slightly. 

Wilf then led his customer away to settle the bill. Just as he was leaving though, he turned and gave John a long, bewildered look. "Thanks John." he uttered. It was clear to John that Wilf was speechless. 

Next John went about cleaning up the rest of his work area and pulling the car around to the front. He gave the keys to the waiting Mr. Billingsley, who thanked him again and turned to go get is jacket.He was about to be enveloped in the last bits of Rose’s scent when Wilf called him back. 

John went to his office and leaned on the door frame. "Yes boss?"

"John, I have to say the way you were with Mr. Billingsley was amazing. Before he left he wrote out a contract for us to do all his vehicle maintenance and repair. This is huge. But you, you were so nice to him. I've seen a change in you lately. A good change. What's happened to you?"

"Nothing really." John tried to school his features. He didn't feel comfortable telling everyone about his personal life. 

"Did you win the lottery or something?"

To that John lit up with a huge grin. "Yeah, kinda." Then he turned and left his boss wondering what he meant.

OoOoOo

On his way home, he stopped at Jacks to borrow his portable little gas barbecue grill. It was the kind intended for camping but it was perfect for rooftop cooking. John also sometimes borrowed it when he went to the cabin. 

He went home to drop his stuff and hurried to the grocery. This time it wasn't that painful to go. Not even when a little girl about two years old said “hi” to him in the checkout line. At first her mother was afraid about what the tall man in the leather jacket would say back. But he surprised her by cheerfully saying, "Well hello there," to that the little girl, who giggled and hid behind her mother. 

John hurried home again as soon as he had all he needed. It was getting dark outside and Rose would be home soon. He prepared most of the meal in his kitchen then moved it all upstairs, then he sat down to wait for her. 

 

He didn't wait long. Only ten minutes later he heard a gasp in the doorway to the roof. It was Rose. She stood there with her hand over her mouth, eyes huge taking it all in.

John had slung white lights all around, giving the space a warm glow. He had set up a table too, draped in a white table cloth. A pair of candles sat on it, making it look like a scene from a movie.

"Oh John! It's lovely. I think I may be underdressed." She wore a pair of snug fitting jeans, a vest top and a purple fake leather jacket. 

"Oh no Rose, you are perfect. Here have a seat. "John pulled out her chair and then pushed it in when she sat. He then set down a wine glass. "Would you like a little wine?"

"Um sure," she answered, still a little shocked. 

John filled a wine glass for her then one for himself. Next he produced a covered plate and set it in front of her. He lifted the cover to reveal a grilled chicken breast next to spears of asparagus as well as new potatoes. 

"John, this is... amazing."

"Thanks, I wanted to make it nice." He looked to the sky. "I was watching the weather, it looks like we might be having a storm come in, but I hope it will wait at least until dinner is over."

"I hope so too." Rose beamed at him. John's heart fluttered at the sight. It occurred to him right at that moment that he would prefer to be nowhere else. This was where he needed to be. With this girl. 

Over dinner they discussed the car that John finished. 

"You really puled fish out of there?" Rose asked.

"Yup and I threw all of them into a barrel. That was in case anyone needed evidence. And when the customer came back and wanted it, he got it."

“What did he do?"

"I had him open the barrel without telling him what was in it."

"Then what?" she asked, leaning forward on the table.

"He got a nose full of the vilest smell ever to grace this planet. Rotten fish and mud. I thought for a second he may just die right there on the spot."

"You are cruel, John Smith!"

"I won't deny that!" 

They both laughed heartily, egging each other on and telling stories. It was the conversation of two engaged, warm people who clearly enjoyed being together. 

After dinner was finished, John stood and took Rose's hand. He looked concerned. "What is it?“ she queried.

"Rose I want to know something."

Rose swallowed and nodded for him to continue.

"I want to know what this is." She raised her eyebrows at him so he continued. "Is this something, are we friends, or what? I'm good with just being with you, but you still keep coming back. I just want to know if I'm not reading too much into what you’re thinking."

Rose turned out to look at the city. There were definitely storm clouds in the distance, she thought for a minute, both about the oncoming storm and the man next to her. "I've not put a label on it yet John."

He sighed. Rose turned back. "I'm having fun John, and being with you is nice and I like you."

John shook his head, now turning like Rose did to look out at the clouds. It was dark now so they were mostly shadows, but there were moving in rapidly. "But Rose, why do you like me. I honestly don't get it. I mean I'm old, cranky, and beat up, I mean there isn't much to like, yet you keep coming round."

Rose took him around his waist and pulled him to her. This was as close as they had ever been. She looked up at him, face just below his. "I like you because I can see more in you than you even see. You may be a little rough around the edges but you are kind and you mean well. You're not so bad to look at either."

He leaned down closer to her. "What this daft old face?"

Rose didn't answer, she went up on her toes and planted a kiss directly on his lips. She came on strong, not gently as she had laid other kisses on his cheek. John responded in kind, putting on hand on the back of her head and one just below her shoulders. Her hands slipped around his torso under his jacket. Soon she ran her tongue along his lower lip and he opened his mouth to let her in with a groan. That only served to renew her vigor. 

Standing there, holding each other, two people came together. They kissed and caressed, their touches softer than the kiss itself. 

John's hand started to make its way into her jacket and to the hem of her vest when they felt the first drop of rain. They didn't stop though, lost in the passion of the moment. But the rain came faster, heavier and heavier by the moment.The two broke apart, tried to grab what they could and ran for the shelter of the stairwell. 

Now out of the downpour, John looked at Rose and started to laugh. She held the dishes and glasses as well as the table cloth draped over her shoulder. He held the grill and the wine. Rose looked back at him and joined in him. 

"Look at us," she giggled, "we look like drowned rats."

"You are a beautiful drowned rat." he countered, leaning over and kissing her gently. He broke away to set down his things and replace the door on its hinges. "We'll have to come back to get the rest once the storm has passed."

"Sure, Oh I forgot! I have to work early tomorrow. One of the girls had surgery. Can I come after work?"

"No problem."

They made it back to their floor with only minimal tripping over the table cloth. When Rose got to her door she stopped. "Umm, John this was really nice. I especially liked the last part."

"You mean the rain?"

Rose chuckled. "No you goof, the kissing."

"Oh yeah that... I liked that too. I would like to do more of that if you are willing." 

"I would. But... um." She chewed her lip. 

John knew exactly where she was going and saved her. "You want to do more but you want to take it slow?"

Rose sighed in relief. "Yes, how did you know?"

"I just know. So how about this. We take this at your pace. No rushing. No anything. We'll just meet again tomorrow after your work. No pressure."

"I'd like that."

John keyed into his flat and they put everything on the counter. Rose glanced over to the jukebox. "John! You didn't tell me this was finished!"

"It's not, I have a few things left to do. But when it’s done we'll have a party."

"Sounds perfect. OK, so see you tomorrow?" she asked, reaching and pulling him close again.

"Yes." he answered pulling her into another kiss. This one was not interrupted by forces of nature. But John’s hands stilled as they approached the sides of her breasts and he pulled away. 

Rose whimpered a little at the lack of touch. 

"Rose, I would much like to continue this, but if I do I may not be able to stop myself. I want this, I want this really bad, but I think we should honor your thoughts from before."

"Stupid morals." she countered. 

With one more quick peck on his lips, Rose turned and went to her flat. "Good night John,” she called. 

John still stood where she left him. "And goodnight to you sweet Rose."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Storms, storms, storms. Here we go people, hang on tight. Thank you for your encouraging words. I like to hear from you. It helps keep me on track.

After Rose left, John settled on the couch with the remainder of the wine. He sipped it while tinkering on the last piece of the juke box that needed fixing. Soon he was finished and went over the box and fit it into place. He had been able to order about ten records to fit in it and was looking for more. At least he would be able to show Rose, and he was giddy just thinking about it. She would love it. And, given the events of the past hours, he may even feel compelled to dance. 

The machine lit up brilliantly when he plugged it in. He was careful to have the volume down low when he started it up. He held his breath as the mechanisms engaged grabbing the record, placing it on the turntable, and putting the needle down. Next came the unmistakable strains of "Unchained Melody." John clapped his hands loudly and let out a hoot. He looked around. It had been hours since she went to her flat. She was asleep for sure. Showing her would have to wait. 

He huffed out a breath, then chastised himself for acting like a child who wanted everything "right now!"

John was picking up his tools when he heard noises in the hall. He listened carefully and heard what he was sure was Rose's voice. She didn't sound happy. Whatever it was escalated quickly. Before John could even get to his door there was yelling. 

He flung it open and was momentarily stunned to see someone... Jimmy... with Rose pressed up against the wall holding onto her shoulders. 

John acted solely on instinct, hitting Jimmy with his whole body force at the waist. The two tumbled back onto the floor, John on top. Jimmy fought, landing a few blows to John's face, bloodying his lip and eye. John got his in too. One particularly aggressive swing brought a crack as he landed one directly to Jimmy’s cheek. 

There was no stopping. John couldn’t stop, but the whole time John heard something, something that was failing to register at first. Was there screaming? He only saw red, not blood, but anger, fear, all driving him to fight. He had to save her. 

The screaming kept on. Sarah had not screamed like that. Not for that long, well most likely not that long. Had she? John felt pulling on his arms, someone keeping him from hitting the man before him. He shook it off, making contact with something, a face? It was hard to tell. But whatever it was, was on him again, pulling. This time he backed off and pulled the man in front of him to standing, holding him against the wall by his throat. This man, he couldn't keep doing this, someone could die. John's thoughts raced. 

Someone was calling his name as the man squirmed before him trying to rip his hands off his neck. 

Then something broke through. "John stop!" came a feminine voice behind him. He turned to face her, but didn't see her. He needed to know. "Are you OK? Sarah? Are you OK?" There was a little gasp. It was small compared to all that was happening, but it was all that it took to get him back. Reality came slamming in. He realized that he still held Jimmy by the neck and promptly dropped him. 

He turned and looked back at Rose, whose hand cradled a growing red mark on her cheek. She was crying. John looked between the two of them in utter disbelief. What had he just done? 

Jimmy staggered to his feet. "Rose, he's crazy, you deserve each other!" He spat at John and ran down the hall, banging into the stairwell. 

Rose and John stood alone in the hallway. John was still at a loss for words. He had hurt the one thing that meant something to him. She stood before him with tears running down her face. He had done that to her. He opened his mouth to say something, anything. 

"I'm not..." she cut him off. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, still not knowing where to go. 

"I'm not Sarah and Jimmy's not a terrorist," she said simply, sniffing after. She slowly backed into her flat, never escaping his tongue tied stare. 

She got in and closed the door, leaving him alone. It wasn't until he heard the unmistakable click of her dead bolt that he flinched.

"What?" he whispered to himself. He had no idea what had just transpired. Had he called her Sarah? He felt a twisting in his gut. Had he hit her, even by accident? He felt a rush of pain, a searing headache that only came from one thing, crushing guilt. All John wanted to do was break down her door and apologize. He never meant to hurt his sweet Rose, but he did. But if went to her now, she would be frightened and that just wouldn't do. Here he was, on one of the best nights of his life, and he ruined it by losing his temper. Now he surely had lost Rose too. That pain alone was worse than anything he could have sustained from being hit. It felt deep and cold and heavy. Worst of all it was familiar. He knew this pain. He also knew that there was no chance of it leaving now that he was feeling it again. 

Slowly he turned and went back to his flat. The song on the jukebox had changed to "Love me Tender" by Elvis. Numbly he unplugged it and gathered his things. 

OoOoOo

Rose felt wretched. Remnants of the night before still clouded her mind. Jimmy had shown up after she had fallen asleep following the wonderful evening with John. When she heard the rap on her door she thought it had been John and leapt up to get it, only to find Jimmy, intoxicated and asking for money. Of course she started to ask him about the rent. If it was him, she was willing to give him some money, to make it fair. 

Then he started in on her. Things escalated quickly and before she knew it, John was on him, beating him. What had come over him? Rose actually had her answer. Somehow he must have fallen into a flashback. He had done it a few times before, but never violently. 

She rubbed her cheek. Her face was a little swollen but not bad. He hadn't intended on hitting her. He was just shaking her off. But it still stung none the less. As she went through her day, people at work and school asked about it. It was embarrassing, especially since there was no good way to explain it. She knew that all of that had been a manifestation of his trauma, and that he wouldn't hurt her on purpose. 

She also knew that he was acting on instinct, and that instinct was to keep her safe. 

Her impulse was to run away, to hide, but there was something there. John was a man that was struggling. And he liked her, maybe even loved her. She was beginning to wonder if she felt that way too. She had spent hours thinking about him wondering if he was a "rebound" guy. She dissected this thought over long days of work and school. Her answered was turned up simply. No, he wasn't a rebound. He was the real thing. He was multilayered and interesting, intelligent, and chivalrous. But there was so much more. She found herself wanting to know more about him. 

The reality was that they needed to talk. Instead of going on feelings they needed to discuss where they were. Rose grew more confident thinking about it. John was wounded but not a lost cause. She was willing to work for it, for him. She could see a life with him, maybe, down the road, but first they needed to work on them. What happened was a shock, but not the end. Not for her. She wasn’t willing to give this up, and hoped he wasn’t either. 

Her positive attitude was squashed somewhat by the pounding rain. It had started when they were on the rooftop and hadn't ended yet. When Rose finally got back from work the next night, she was soaked to the bone. As she slid her key into the lock she noticed something. John's door was partially open. From his flat came singing. Good singing, specifically Elvis's "Blue Suede Shoes". Rose opened her door quietly, shucked her coat, and then crept across the hall. When she peered in she saw an unfamiliar form checking out the jukebox that was now on. She pushed the door a little more and it creaked, catching his attention. He was extraordinarily good looking, tall, brown hair, dashing really, and he shot her a brilliant smile while not so sneakily taking her in. 

"You must be Rose," he offered before she could chastise him for checking her out.

"Who are you? What are you doing here? Where's John?" Her questions tumbled out in quick succession.   
Jack grinned again. "Ok, in order...I'm Jack, John’s friend. I'm here to get my barbecue grill that I loaned him, and I don't know. Does that answer your questions?"

Rose nodded numbly. "Where did he go? Is he gone for good?"

“I really don’t know. He wasn’t at work today, and he sent me a text that I could come get the grill. I had no idea he was actually gone until you came in. It doesn’t bode well. What happened? Did you have a row?

“No not me and him. But my ex came back and started to rough me up. He went nuts. He attacked him.”

“And what happened to you?” Jack indicated her cheek. 

“He hit me…” Jack raised his eyebrows. “He didn’t mean to, he was brushing me off. Where do you think he went?”

"Well, I know that he has about six months of solid leave built up from work, so he could be anywhere."

Rose leaned against the wall. "How did you know my name, Jack?"

"He talked about you. Rose, I have to tell you something. I've known John for long time. I've been around him for a lot, but he never really showed me much of his life. But what I did see was that he was really hard on himself. But for what it's worth, you made John better. In the short time you were with him he started to become a different person. Like he liked himself again."

"He doesn't like himself?”

"John hates himself."

"Why? Did he do something?"

"No he hates himself because he lived and she didn't. I don't know what you did, but when you were around it's like he saw the light. That it was ok to just be himself. "

"Oh my Gods I didn't know. You don't think he'll..."

"No I don't, that's too easy. He’s not about that, but I wouldn’t put it past him to do a runner.”

"What have I done?

Jack stepped forward and gently caressed her cheek. His hands were warm and she didn't shrink from his touch. It was if an older brother was seeing if she was alright. It didn't bother her at all. 

“He called me Sarah. After he hit me. He asked me if I was alright but it was like he wasn’t in his head.”

"Oh brother. He hasn’t done that sort of thing in a long while. Did your ex call the cops?"

"No, but he sent me a text an hour later calling me a bitch and telling me that I would never see him again. I figured that he couldn't call the police because they must be looking for him. That happened a lot."

"But John doesn't know what happened to you or to him?"

"No. Jack, did I do something wrong to make him leave?"

"You haven't done anything. He knows where the blame lies. You just happened to be there to see it. He's not mad at you."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No just let him go and do what he needs to do."

"I can't do that." Rose shook her head. She couldn't let John hate himself. He was an amazingly intelligent, gentle, thoughtful man. The thought of not having him around was too painful. She needed him, and clearly he needed her. Rose's eyes fell on the cabin keys hanging on the hook. "Jack, do you think he may have gone to his cabin?" She went over and picked up the keys. 

"I suppose... actually he probably did. But wait, why would he leave the keys?"

"He said he never locked it because it was in the middle of nowhere. But the coordinates are on the keyring, see?"

Jack inspected the keyring. "Well would you look at that." I don't recommend going, first off, you need to let him cool down. Secondly, the storm."

"I know, but it seems to be breaking up. Plus he's had a day to brood. That’s enough. If he goes too long you never know what will happen. I'll be careful, I promise." 

"May be you should wait. I can take you this weekend."

"I'll think about it." Rose was deep in thought as Jack took her phone from her and put in his name. Actually he put in "John's friend Jack." 

Rose read it and smirked at him. "Thanks, I'll call you if I go."

"OK, please don't go tonight, OK?"

"OK," she replied, but Jack could tell she was lost in thought. 

In fact Rose left Jack, went to her flat, called Mickey, borrowed the car, packed a few things and was out the door in about fifteen minutes. Jack had left just before that and never saw her leave.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, but we have to go here to then go where we all want to go. Thank you for your kind words. I’m not kidding, reviews to authors are like fuel for the soul. It takes a lot to put our stuff out there and your reactions make me want to keep doing it.

Two hours later Rose drove down a winding back country road. The rain, even though it was supposed to have stopped, still fell in sheets. The windshield wipers were woefully inadequate as the beat out a desperate rhythm. Rose was leaning forward trying to see any landmarks but was coming up empty. She was able to plug the coordinates into her phone and was getting close, but couldn't tell where she was to turn. Many of the side roads were not only dirt and undeveloped but also unmarked. Even the road itself was treacherous getting as far as she had, she had already hydroplaned twice. The heavy falling rain, coupled with the near bald tires Mickey had on this car, only made for more dangerous driving. There also were no streetlights this far out.

All Rose could hope for was that there was a road close to the destination point on her map. As she drew closer there was a clearing to her left. Sure enough when her headlights hit it, there was a little dip in the grass that could have been a road, or it was a spring and she was about to get very wet. 

Taking a steeling breath, Rose turned the car. She met with mud and gunned it just in time to not get stuck. She then stayed near the side of the little road, hoping that the grass would give her some purchase. The little car shook and shuttered as she made her way. It was not made for this type of driving. What she needed was a 4x4 SUV to make it. The Beetle was not known for its off-roading capabilities that was for sure. 

She clung with white knuckles as she steered into a stand of trees. Her progress was slowing as the mud was getting thicker and the road in worse condition. She kept glancing down at the seat and at her phone display praying that she wouldn’t lose signal. The red pin on the map was getting closer but she couldn't see anything. No lights in the distance, nothing. 

She followed the road as it curved to the left, bringing her into more trees. That's when she hit the mud puddle. It wasn’t a crashing sound but rather the absence of sound. It even seemed to stop the engine noise. It sucked the car in and try as she might, she was instantly stuck. She tried revving the engine again and again trying to get some traction, but there was nothing. Finally she cursed and hit the steering wheel in frustration. 

There was no chance of driving out, so she went to open the door only to find that mud started seeping in and no matter how hard she pushed, it wasn’t moving. She figured at that point that the mud must be past the doors. Next she rolled down the window. Rain poured in, drenching her, but it didn’t stop her. Carefully she maneuvered and climbed out the window, landing in the muddy sludge and immediately sank up to her knees. No wonder the car got stuck. She thrust her hand back in the car and rolled up the window manually until her arm was nearly pinched in to try, albeit knowingly in vain, to try to keep more rain out. 

Looking around she realized she had no other option than to try to make it on foot. With her first step though, she found out her problem. Her shoe was sucked off. With her next move went her other shoe. She tried frantically to dig for them, only coming up muddier and with no shoes. Her socks were a lost cause too. 

Angrily Rose cried out against the rain. This was quickly becoming the worse decision in the history of bad decisions. On top of that, there was no guarantee that John was there or would see her. The weight of this becoming a lost cause began to set in.

Tears came next, though they were swept away in the rain. Rose continued to struggle, just trying to get free. It held her in a tight grip though, pulling at her legs, making it nearly impossible to move. With all her strength she managed to get one foot out only for the force of it to cause her to pitch forward, landing facedown. 

Her first thought was just to lay there defeated. But the mud was sucking her whole body in. Using every last shred of energy she had, she started to drag herself out. The rain continued to beat down, turning the mud into a slurry. Besides making it colder by the moment, it helped dilute what she was trapped in, and eventually she could stand again. 

Just ahead there was a downed log and Rose pitched forward, reaching for it. With the force, one foot suddenly freed and she fell fast, jamming her hand onto the trunk. She cried out even louder in pain as an exposed broken branch sliced along her palm.

She was still falling forward though and going to smack into the trunk with her body when a strong arm grabbed her around the middle and heaved her up until she landed on whoever it was' shoulder. 

"John?" she called out hopefully. She needed to yell to get above the sound of the storm. 

"You need to get of the rain," came a familiar grumbly voice. 

Rose acquiesced and willfully accepted her position on him, opting to just hang on for the ride, which was a little hard due to her heavily shivering. He made no effort to adjust her in his arms and held her roughly. Rose did notice a rifle on his other shoulder and wondered what that was about. 

John trudged on, Rose along for the ride, for a little while longer until the trees got thicker. Nestled among them was a little cottage. It was mostly dark but John quickly lit a lantern on the porch when he stepped onto it. Next he let her down. 

Rose initially was relieved to see his face, but for only a moment. The expression that greeted her was of pure anger. He gave he a once over then turned for the door. "Come inside," he growled. He now wore several days’ stubble on top of his normal attire. He also had added a stocking cap. 

At that moment Rose truly did not know what to do. She had expected John to maybe take some persuasion to talk to her, but never thought he would be flat out angry at her presence. She had fancied herself on a rescue mission rather that something that would be met with hostility. Her decision was made for her with a particularly violent shiver. She had to go in or risk freezing to death.

Slowly she advanced, stepping just inside the door and closing it behind her. It was much warmer inside, but she was still in all her mud caked and wet clothing and didn't want to go further in. 

The cabin was small, but tidy. To her left there was a hearth and John was putting a pot of something over its flames. In the back there was an old porcelain tub, and directly in front of her was a table with one chair. On her right was a small kitchen area with a few cabinets and a bed just behind it. It was cozy. She saw nothing electric and figured that he didn't have power there. Next to the bed was a bookshelf that was full of well-worn books. 

As Rose stood still, John was moving around. He took a bucket to the kitchen where he pumped water into it, then went and poured it into the tub. He did this five times without even looking at her. Next he took the now boiling pot off the fire and poured it into the tub too, then tested the water. Finally, after what seemed like years, his eyes met hers. She jumped a little at the intensity of his blue eyes. 

He spoke directly, voice devoid of emotion. “You need to get out of those clothes and into the tub. I'll step out." With that he stepped around her and out the door. Rose hadn't moved at all. It had been minutes that she stood in that one spot. 

Carefully, Rose started to remove her clothes. It wasn't being almost naked that bothered her, it was his attitude towards her. There was no warmth, nothing. It was as if they were strangers. She folded her clothes the best she could and left them by the door so as not to spread the mud. She left herself in a bra and panties. They were just wet, thankfully, and she just couldn't bring herself to totally strip. 

She padded over to the tub and tried the water. It was a little warm for her tastes, but then she shivered again and slid in. The water hitting the cut on her hand made her hiss, but soon it went away. She hadn’t realized that her hands and feet had gone numb until the warm water painfully revived them. 

The tub was a little rough on the bottom but otherwise comfortable. It was rather large too. "Enough for two,” she thought, then chastised herself for going there. She was lucky John hadn't left her out there to die, as he was clearly not happy with her presence. 

A few minutes later, John came back in with an arm full of wood. It was dry, so he must have had it stashed somewhere. He put the logs on the fire and stoked it. Rose just watched him over the rim of the tub. It was as if he was operating without even knowing she was there. He looked the same save for his expression, which was still cross.

Next he strode to the kitchen for a few moments and then came back and put a kettle on the fire. 

Meanwhile Rose's body temperature was returning to normal. She glanced to the clothes on the floor and shuttered to think about putting them back on. They would probably just freeze her again. 

Without any words, John walked over to her and pulled the one kitchen chair with him. He set it next to the tub and draped a towel over the back of it and walked away. Then he returned moments later with a small pile of clothes. Still wordless, he stepped outside again. Rose followed him with her eyes but didn’t speak as he moved about. When he left, her eyes fell on the towel. 

She figured he intended on her getting out, drying off and getting dressed in the clothes. 

Carefully she got up, trying to avoid putting her hand on anything in case it bled again. She stepped out onto the cold floor and wrapped the towel around her. It was a really big towel and wrapped all around her with some to spare. Instead of getting dressed over her wet underthings, she pulled the chair over near the fire and in front of it. 

Rose jumped as John banged his way back in and took a long look at her. He walked past her, retrieved the kettle from the fire, when to the kitchen, took out two mugs with tea bags in them and filled them. He then dragged her chair, with her in it, to the table in front of one of the mugs. He took the second one and dunked the tea bag repeatedly while staring at her, expressionless. He stood close but just out of reach. She looked him over closely for the first time. The first thing she noticed was that he still bore the evidence of his mix-up with Jimmy. He had a dark black eye and his lower lip was still cut and swollen. 

Under the weight of her stare John turned and got something from a cupboard. Before she could react, he reached out for her injured hand and quickly wrapped it in gauze, securing the end with a knot. 

Rose couldn't stand it anymore, the silence was painful. "So is this what's happening? You're just going to give me the silent treatment and stare at me?"

Without warning, his hand gently cradled her face. She leaned into his touch but quickly figured that he was examining where he had hit her as his thumb ran over the bruise.

"I know you didn't mean to hit me John. It was just one of those things. Wrong place wrong time I suppose,” she ventured.

"And yet it did happen." His voice had lost some of its growl. "And I apologize for that. But there still is no excuse, accident or not." He took his hand away and Rose wanted nothing more than for it to return. 

"Aren’t you gonna ask why I'm here?" she asked.

"I would guess it's to get me to come back."

"Will you come back?"

"No."

Rose shifted, put down her mug and reached for his hand. He was still too far away so she stood up. He walked backward a step but she followed. Soon they were inches apart yet not touching. 

"Why not, John? I thought we had something. Was I wrong?"

"No you weren't wrong. But you deserve so much better. You deserve a future that is not burdened by my past."

"I'll shoulder that burden with you. I've already decided. You deserve a better future than you are letting yourself have. You just have to allow yourself to try. You can't live with Sarah's ghost forever. "

John turned from her and stepped over to the hearth and she let him. "It's not that easy, Rose. There's a lot more to it."

"But John, I like you. I want to be with you. I'm willing to work with you. Teamwork ya?"

"I don't think so." He shook his head still facing the fire. 

"So you're just going to live in the forest like a depressed hermit? You’re better than that."

He didn't answer. 

Rose came up from behind and gave him a hug. He stiffened at her touch, but she held on. Her next words were said into his jumper. "Please, why don't you come back with me? Stuff happens. You're not in any trouble anyway. Jimmy is wanted again so if he presses charges they will arrest him. You're in the clear."

John turned around swiftly, taking Rose a little off balance. He caught her roughly on the shoulders. Her towel fell and she now stood before him in slightly damp bra and panties. But instead of the reaction she expected he spoke in a barely controlled voice, "Rose I don't care about the police. I did what I did. I’m not going to deny it. I didn’t come up here to run away from the law. But what I did was inexcusable. In doing it I hurt someone I...care about. But also I don't know what I would have done if you didn't stop me."

"You would have stopped on your own, I'm convinced of it."

John shook his head. "You need to get dressed. I'll work on getting the car out." He dropped his hands from her shoulders went for the door.

"John wait! Why can't you come back? Even if we aren't together, I mean what's keeping you here?"

"I have to get my head straight, Rose."

"There are people that do that for a living. Plus I'm there I can help too."

"I tried that on and off after I was discharged. It never really helped. The medication made me sick and the very last thing I wanted to do was sit around with other damaged people talking about my feelings."

"John, there still may be someone out there to help. It may not have been a good match, but there can be. You just have to try. I told you I'd help you and I wasn't lying."

"Please get dressed," was all he replied with.

Rose's shoulders slumped and she went back to the chair that the offered clothes were on. Behind her she could hear him putting her clothes in a plastic bag as she got dressed. He had left her an old, soft black jumper and some even older sweatpants. She was grateful for the drawstring on them too. He also added a pair of huge woolen socks. As she was tightening the pants something occurred to her. "Wait, John, you don’t have a car. How did you even get out here?"

"Come with me." He smiled. It was a little glimpse of John, the one she had grown so fond of. But he was gone in a flash out the door. Seconds later as she stood in her stocking feet, an engine roared to life off to her right and soon lights clicked on. She heard it coming and as it approached, she could see that he had an old Land Rover with a roll bar over it and a winch on the front bumper. 

John hopped out and again without a word he grabbed her bag of clothes and scooped her up, this time bridal style and deposited her in the passenger seat. 

By way of explanation he said, “I've had it for years, I park it in a carpark a few blocks from my flat."

"You could have said you had a car. I wouldn't have borrowed Mickey's little clown car to take us...out." She wanted to say "on our date" but that hardly seemed like a good idea at the moment. 

John mirrored her awkwardness, cleared his throat, and put the Land Rover in gear. 

He said nothing as he took her on a bumpy ride, hopefully to the car. It was very dark out and the headlights only just barely cut through the fog that had descended. It seemed though that the rain had ended, or was possibly just a mist now. John powered along but never even seemed to be on a road, though he knew where he was going. Soon he stopped. Through the haze Rose could see the back of the little car. Somehow he had come up behind it. 

"Stay here," he said, more authoritative than friendly. At that point Rose had no problem complying since her shoes were somewhere under the mud. John slogged through the muck and then got into the car. He had to turn it over a number of times but thankfully it eventually wheezed to life. Only then did she realize that she had left the keys. She said a silent thanks to the Gods that it started, which was always in question.

John fiddled in the car for a moment, then came out and retrieved something from on top of the Land Rover. Rose squinted to see that it was a shovel. He then started to dig. To Rose's horror, he now was digging under the car. It looked like a useless task, since the mud was so wet, but he went at it without stopping.

All she could do was watch. After about thirty minutes, John had the back wheels uncovered for the most part. Then Rose saw him come to the front of his car and release the cable on the winch. Then he laid down in the mud and slid part way under the car to attach the cable to the undercarriage. 

When he came up he was covered in wet mud, but it didn't slow him at all. In a second he shucked his coat, leaving him in just a jumper, albeit a non-muddy one. He then headed for her side of the car. He opened her door and handed her the clothes he had in a bag for her from the back seat. Then without a discussion, picked her up and carried her to the driver's side of the Beetle. 

He plunked her down in the seat and gave her a once over. 

His face turned kind just for a second. "OK Rose, I'm going to pull you out now. Keep in in neutral but when you are free be sure it doesn't roll. OK?"

She nodded eagerly at him. He carefully closed the door then. Next she heard the whining of the winch and then the distinct feeling of slow movement. Inch by inch he pulled her out of the muck. It was a slow process, but sure enough he had her out on relatively dry land before she knew it. He even pulled her onto the grassy area so it would be easier to get out. 

John hopped out of his car and she heard him unhook the cable from the undercarriage. Then he was at the door again. He must have put his dirty jacket back to protect himself. He stood by her window with mud dripping from his whole body, even a fair amount on his face, though Rose never thought he looked more handsome. He opened the car door to see her. 

Rose fixed a warm smile on him. "Thank you John, for everything. Please, consider coming back with me. I miss you."

He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry, not now."

"Will you ever come back?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready to." He made a move forward and Rose thought he was going to kiss her again. Even with him filthy it would have been the most wanted encounter she ever had. He reached out with his hands and gently took her head. Then he leaned in. Rose closed her eyes and felt his lips... on her forehead. He kissed her ever so gently and pulled back out of reach. 

"Rose I want you to have a good life. A fantastic one at that. Go forth and be Rose Tyler. You have a lot to do."

Rose stared at him shocked as he then closed the car door. He didn't react to her face, but indicated for her to roll down the window. He then pointed down the road from where she came. "It is most likely in pretty good condition to the main road. If you hit any big puddles, just veer around them. There are very few rocks to hit on the sides. I'll follow you though... to the road. Just to see you are safe.”

With no further explanation, he then turned and went to the Land Rover. 

Rose could not believe what had just happened. His lips on her forehead felt like the kiss of death. They had kissed so recently and it was nothing short of wonderful. Now he left her with nothing. 

Tears fell as she put the little car in gear and drove back towards the main road. He did follow, pretty close actually, until they hit pavement. He drove up next to her and rolled down his window. "You're good now,” he yelled out above the noise of both cars. 

She turned to face him, at first not wanting him to see her. But she did, just to catch the look of profound sadness that flashed across his features as he took in her tear streaked face. But his look faded quickly to his normal mask. Rose nodded once, signaling the finality of what had just transpired, and turned onto the road. In her rear view mirror it looked for a moment like he might follow, but then the Land Rover turned back around and went down the little dirt road again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the last one. I actually added a lot to it this morning, just to clear some things up. I ended up adding about 1500 words to it. I really hope you like it. Thank you for kind words along the way. They truly keep me going. If you liked what you read, let me know and give me a follow. I have something in the pipeline that I have almost completed, a ten and Rose cop AU, and you should see that soon. Thank you for the time you have devoted to my work.

In the following weeks Rose tried to settle in and adjust. Thoughts of their last encounter were on a constant loop in her mind. When she slept they crept into her dreams. She couldn’t stop thinking that perhaps if she had just got to him, if she had said something different, he would come home. She knew that this was bigger than her, bigger than them, and John had to make the changes and come home on his own accord, but it was hard. She had become accustomed to him being there, and wanted him back. 

In her time alone Rose spent hours analyzing all her past relationships, what drew her to each person and what led to their downfall. Mickey was easy, they had been together because it was easy. But they both quickly realized that there was nothing there. They were much better friends. 

Taking a hard look at what she had with Jimmy was harder. That relationship had started out hot and heavy. Rose and her gal friends had all gone out to a rock show to celebrate someone’s engagement. They were right next to the stage cheering and there he was. It was no matter how terrible the band was, but the guitar player that kept his eyes on her the whole time that tore it. She was hooked from that moment. But Jimmy was a drug. A bad drug. At first he made her feel amazing. It was all parties and fun. That, however, was until it was time to live life. Rose explained to him how important school was to her, but he remained unconvinced. He was all too eager to move in with her though, since she had a job. It had been fun playing house though too. She cooked and cleaned for him, all while they waited for his big break.

It was months in before Rose came to the realization that the big break was never coming. By then they were entrenched in that they called a relationship. When it was good, it was good, but when it was bad it was really bad. That’s when John showed up.

The moment John entered her life it was as if she could see clearly again. He wiped away all the uncertainty and static that Jimmy brought to her life. When he stepped in that night when Jimmy’s other girlfriend showed up, it was like someone had finally shown light on her and what she was doing. Part of her shock at the incident was the stark reality that she had been wasting her life with this hideous man. She never wanted out of anything so quickly. It was easy to let Jimmy go, she had in truth long since written him off. It was just a matter of the right catalyst to allow her to shut the door on him. 

John showing up was just that. Without knowing why, she was drawn to him. Not in a “love at first sight” way, but in more of an “I need to find out more” way. He wasn’t easy to get to know though. He wasn’t open to anything. The kind sweet John only started to show though after she gave a little back. Each time he gave her a little glimpse of the man he was, she wanted more. It was refreshing to see someone who actually cared about integrity. He never pushed, he never treated her unkindly, and he never forced her into something she didn’t want to do. She could be herself with him. It had been so long since she had been able to do that around someone other than her mother. In the past when she had wanted to talk about work or school, Jimmy quickly turned it so that his woes were worse, and Rose would find herself having to listen to his rants, but never resolving anything of her own. But her long conversations with John revealed that he actually did care. He found her funny and offered little bit of insight. The sort of give and take they had felt so good. 

But now after the part of him he kept so well hidden had come roaring out, he was gone. Initially it had scared Rose, and being called Sarah was more than a shock. In the time she retreated into herself she quickly realized that he had been gripped in something he had no control over and that all he wanted to do was to save her. No matter what the situation, he cared about keeping her safe. Now the loss of him in her life had grown particularly painful. More than anything she wanted him back. But waiting for him to come back was proving more and more difficult. It was possible that he may never find his way back to her or to anything for that matter. That was the worst part. 

Slowly after telling herself that the only thing to do was to march forward and hope he caught back up, she slogged back into her semi-normal, before John, routine. It was hard though, every time she heard a door open in the hall she checked for him. As time kept on though, the possibility of him coming back became more and more distant. Until the point where she figured that he wasn't coming back. That's about the time she decided to move. It wasn't anything to do with the apartment, as her rent was still being taken care of, but it was the loneliness that sealed the deal. School and work were fine, but there was no one to come home to. No one to laugh and share things with. Dinners turned into an abysmal affair of frozen meals. She just didn’t want to put in the effort to cook if she was going to be sitting at the table by herself. So her nights were spent alone, eating, studying or cleaning her already clean flat. 

So she started to pack up. She contacted a few friends and found one that had a flat that she could move into. It was a little farther away but in a nicer neighborhood. On top of that she could leave her old flat, and the feelings that resided there, behind. 

She drafted an email to Harriet asking to not renew her lease and started to pack. She hadn’t gotten very far though. She kept trying to tell herself it was difficult simply because she had a lot of stuff. But truthfully it was because she kept getting distracted. Finding mementos was the hardest. As she packed things like little awards or figurines away she thought about how she and John hadn’t had time to make those sorts of memories and how close to it they had been. 

Moving was a big step. It meant that there was nothing left for her and John. But it was hard to let something that felt so right just fade away. It was like trying to hold water in her hands. No matter how she tried to hold on, it leaked away. John wasn’t ready to be with anyone. The longer she thought about it, the more the dark thoughts snuck in, whispering to her that maybe John didn’t really want to be with her, that his going to the cabin was his way of getting away from her. But then she remembered his eagerness to kiss, but that little niggle of question never quite went away. It wasn’t like she could ask him anyway. The realization that she may never know his feelings stung deeply. Eventually the maudlin thoughts won. She had succeeded in convincing herself that he didn’t want her company. No matter her thoughts for him, he chose to live his life without her. Somewhere in there she still held a little flame for him, but it was flickering at best. 

She visited the rooftop on several occasions since meeting him at the cabin. She wasn't sure why, other than to maybe come up with a few answers. But there weren't any up there either. Seeing the two chairs up there just waiting for occupants made it seem worse. 

So now it was a waiting game until her lease expired. Three weeks, counting down. 

OoOoOo

With one week left, Rose had all but finished packing. She had out what she needed on a daily basis but everything else was tucked away. She even was down to one plate and a bowl. Putting the rest of the set away was worse than she had expected. Pictures of John at her table flooded her brain. There was something about knowing that no one would join her again for a meal in this flat that made her tear up again. She had been doing so well too. 

OoOoOo

With three days left and on a rare night off, she decided that she should do all the remaining laundry to get it out of the way. For some reason there had been a lot of movement in the hall that day, she figured it was going to mean new neighbors. Instead of trying to meet anyone, it was a good time to move out. 

So with her heavy laundry basket in her arms, detergent on top she carefully opened her door, banging against the door jamb a few times trying to heave the load out. She barely got the door closed when something met her ears and she halted in surprise. 

There was music, specifically Elvis music, in the hallway. Strains of “Are You Lonesome Tonight?" surrounded her and stopped any progress she had intended to make. She was halted and taking it in for a few moments before it hit her. The music came from John's open doorway. She took a tentative step towards it, the pounding in hear ears now nearly drowning out the music. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t be there. She should just turn and go, just like he did. He didn’t want to be with her, besides there was no way this could be him. 

Her feet betrayed her though and brought her to his doorway. The flat was bathed in an odd light, not like normal at all. It looked colorful. She took a few more steps and peeked around the corner. 

The flat was dark save a totally lit up jukebox, playing the music. Rose set her basket down and looked around. John was nowhere in sight. The jukebox, however, was beautiful. He had somehow restored it to its former beauty, colored water with bubbles and everything. It looked brand new. 

She advanced to it and rested her hand on top. 

"Oi! Hands off the merchandise!" came a voice to her right. Rose started and jumped back, whipping her head towards the voice. 

John was leaned up on the door jamb to his bedroom, grinning from ear to ear. He was in his normal attire of worn leather jacket, red jumper and black jeans though now he was clean shaven. And he was beaming at her. 

"John, I thought you were gone forever," she breathed, not sure if she should run to hug him, his literal kiss off still weighing heavily on her.

"I told you I had some things to do." He pushed off the door and came to stand closer. "Do you like it? I finished it just before I... left."

"Oh John, I love it. And the music? It's perfect."

"You told me you like Elvis."

"How can you remember that?"

He tapped his head. "Mind like a steel trap, me. Plus I tend to remember things that mean something to me. Like anything you said."

Rose blushed. "Oh come on now."

John moved closer. "I mean it.”

Rose then stepped back and took a long look at him. "John, you don't have to fake it. I get that you need your space, I also get it if you aren't into me. I also know that you have a lot going on. Just don't lead me on."

"What on Earth made you think I wasn't into you?" He turned and took both her hands. 

"All that talk about how you needed to take care of business and didn't want my help. I took it to mean that you really didn't want to be in a relationship even if you did get your head on straight.”

"Rose ..." he started.

"No wait. I mean I like that we were together, I liked us. I thought it was becoming something..." Before she could finish, he had his lips on hers. He was gentle yet insistent. At first Rose wasn’t sure what to do, but found herself quickly falling victim to his ministrations. Slowly, his hands migrated to the sides of her head, and hers to his hips. They stood there, holding each other kissing gently and eagerly at the same time until he came up for air. 

He looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't know how else to express that. It was never about you. Well it was, but my problems were never from you. Here, some sit with me." He led her over to the couch where they sat facing, knees touching. 

John breathed deeply, his steel blue eyes showing a bit of sadness, and maybe regret but also longing. "Rose, starting a relationship after all that had happened was hard. When I called you Sarah, it was not because I didn't know who you were. At that moment you were a manifestation of someone who meant the world to me. And you were in danger. But I never lost sight of who you were."

"I would have been willing to help you."

"I know you would have. But I'm so used to taking care of business by myself that I thought that was what I needed to do."

"So you left."

"Yes, but not because I wanted to get away from you. But I had lost control and that’s unacceptable.”

“I told you. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I was never scared, just startled. It all happened so fast. Then when I needed to talk to you, you were already gone. I thought that if we could talk we could make it OK. You didn’t have to go. I mean even the cops didn’t come. But all this time I’ve been wondering what is going on in that head of yours.”

John smiled down at her but then his expression turned serious. ”Let’s just say that there are wars that we all fight in our heads, on that day mine came out. I know it’s no excuse, but all I can explain it with is that I'm an old soldier and have real battle scars. Some aren’t visible, some are."

Rose leaned closer to him, puzzlement playing upon her features. "I get it. I just wish I could help you with yours. “

“You already have, more than you know.”

Rose suddenly perked up. “Can I see them? I mean the visible ones? It may help me understand."

John hesitated but Rose held his stare, her whiskey brown eyes longing, getting deeper and pulling him in. He swallowed thickly. One thing for sure, it was hard to say no to this girl.

Taking a deep breath, he carefully took off his jacket and dropped it on the floor next to the couch. Next he pulled up his sleeve to reveal the jagged scar running up his forearm. He spoke quietly as if letting her in on an important secret. "We'll start with this one. It happened the day Sarah died."

Rose fixed her eyes on it and gasped. "John, that's a bad scar."

"It's where the bone came through the skin." he said, then covering it just as Rose went reach out to touch it. 

She brought her hand back to settle on her lap as he then he picked up the hem on his jumper, now showing the healed wound on his abdomen. "This one too, it also happened on that day. It was a bad day."

This time Rose was quicker to reach out but John didn’t stop her. She gently ran her fingers up the length of the scar. As she did, John got goose flesh at her touch, which did not go unnoticed. "Oh John, it looks like it still hurts."

"It does sometimes if I stand up straight."

"Is that why you are hunched over?" She still had her fingers on him.

"I guess so. Plus there hasn't been anything in my life to stand straight for. I mean until now." He snuck a peek at her. Her hand left his abdomen, allowing the jumper to fall back into place. Her hand now rested on his chest, and she was close... very close. John hadn't noticed her moving in. It had been subtle. But now she was leaning into his side, looking up at him. 

Her next words were quieter, huskier. "Are there any more?"

He swallowed again. They were treading in dangerous water and they both knew it. 

"Yeah one more from that day." He turned his head. "Right here behind my ear." Before he knew it, Rose swung her leg over him, straddling his lap and leaned in for a closer look. He could feel her warm breath on his ear and neck. Then without warning, the gentle sensation of warm lips against the skin. John melted. Anything he was holding back let go. She was in his arms then, and they were kissing. It had all the passion they had started on before, but was also gentle and caring. It felt good to both of them. 

Soon it heated up even more as Rose wiggled on his lap. Suddenly John sat back breathing hard, his arms now hung loosely around her waist. 

"I suppose I should tell you that I'm seeing someone." Before him, Rose froze then went pale, her mouth falling open as she gaped at him. She went to move off him but he held her.

"John let go. I didn't realize that..." She looked bereft. 

John grinned back at her. "No Rose, hold on. I mean I am seeing a counselor about… you know, things. I started a couple of days after I last saw you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's with veteran's affairs. I actually go down there a lot. He's got me talking to guys now about skills and jobs and stuff. I've helped a few guys like me get jobs. My boss even hired one."

"You’re getting your head on straight."

"I am, but you know what keeps me wonderfully off balance and I never want it to change?"

"What?"

"My daily dose of Rose Tyler. I don't know what I would do without seeing you every day from now on. It’s funny. At one time in my life I only wanted one thing. I wanted it more than anything else. But things change, Rose.”

“What’s that song about ‘Thank God for unanswered prayers’?” 

“I haven’t heard it.”

“It’s from an American country singer.” John raised an eyebrow at her and she giggled. He felt the sound wash over him and Rose could tell it hit home, as his cheeks took on a crimson glow. She smiled widely before she continued. “My mum went through a phase when I was younger. Garth Brooks I think. Anyway it was all about the things you wanted at one point in your life and how they may not turn out as you thought they would. But thank God they didn’t.”

“Exactly. Who knew it would be like this?”

“I’m glad it did.” Rose snuggled into his chest. 

John took a sharp breath. ”Oh, how could I be so daft. I’ve been talking this whole time. I forgot to ask. Have you been alright? I mean in that big flat all by yourself."

Rose looked back guiltily. "I was actually getting ready to move."

John sat up, jostling her a little. "Why? I thought I...I mean I thought your rent was OK now."

Rose slapped him on the chest. "I knew it was you! Well not at first, but when Jimmy denied it I figured it out. Why did you do it?"

"It's simple, I wanted to allow you to stay near me. But why are you moving?"

Rose winked at him. "Well maybe not now. Though maybe I don't want to give up this opportunity. I mean it's a two bedroom flat with four girls and one bathroom. I mean it might be a better deal to go than stay here."

"It sounds like a bad porno movie, that's want it sounds like."

"Then maybe I'll stick around here a little longer."

"I'd like that Rose Tyler."

Rose grinned back to him and captured his lips and the snogging began anew. 

The music from the juke box changed multiple times while they explored each other but they didn't notice. The kisses were getting deeper though, and hands were on the move. Finally John broke free. 

Delightfully out of breath, he finally found his words. "Rose, I love this. This is where I want to be. But I need to know that it's what you want too. I mean I'm a tough pill to take. There is a lot to me and I want to make sure you are ready for it. I'm not healed yet. You are a huge part of it, but I need to know where you stand. I may, well I WILL have some bad days."

Rose sat back. "John, I'm here. I came out to get you when you were gone. I'm in this. I love being with you. I want to be with you all the time, even on the bad days."

"Are you sure?"

"John, I'm in this for the long haul. I want to be with you. If you’ll have me."

A smile crept up on John's face. "There is no question, Rose Tyler. Well then, I think maybe we should relax a bit." He indicated Rose straddling him on his lap. "We have time now. I know you have morals."

Rose grinned brilliantly back. "Screw morals." Her lips crashed onto his and she moved in even closer, her hips grinding into his. 

John growled. "Rose, you have no idea what you do to me," he whispered against her hungry lips. 

"Oh I know exactly what I do to you." She wiggled more against the evidence of his interest. 

John's hands came around to cup her bum. "But if you keep it up, this may go somewhere, and I'm not sure you want to go there yet."

"I do John, I'm ready now. I was ready after the last time we kissed. I just needed to sure. But the moment I entered my flat I knew.”

"Really?"

"No question."

With that he pulled her tight against him and stood up, picking her up in the process. The music had turned to "Love Me Tender". John noticed and smirked just as Rose pulled him into another kiss. The rest of the song was lost though, as John brought Rose to his bedroom.


End file.
